APPLE WITCH (girlxgirlxgirl)

32. The rawness of the world that I have seen

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"You're an idiot, Mel"

The smell is too familiar. It burns in her nose.

"You gave yourself up for nothing. You think they're gonna win if you send them on their way? You're so dumb"

Why is it so cold? Coldness was something that she left back at the tower. The rest of the world is warm, especially White Snake city. It's so warm that she often finds it hard to sleep. Now she can sleep, in fact that's all she can do. Everything hurts, even opening her eyes hurts. And it's cold. Colder than the mountain Adar was found on. Colder than the heart of the emperor. Melora tries to hug her body closer, but that hurts too, and she finds it oddly difficult to move. Why is it so cold?

"Was it worth buying them some useless time? Paying the price with your own freedom and life?"

Freedom. That elusive thing that she's been chasing ever since she lost it eight years ago. The last time she was ever free was in her home village, surrounded by dead trees and snow. Back when she didn't know what freedom was, or how easily she could lose it. Sometimes Melora wishes that she was born at the tower, or at least raised there from day one. One can never miss freedom if one has never had it before. Maybe she would've been like Hester, happy to be at the tower and at a high position, with the ability to travel everywhere her mission takes her. Maybe they would've treated her better, like they treat the other witches. But the sad truth is, even if she had gotten a life like Hester's, the truth would've shown itself to her and she wouldn't have been able to continue working willingly for the tower. Hester might be heartless but she is not.

"God I can't believe we used to be in the same magic class together. You're such an idiot, how could they have taught you anything? They should've kept you locked up here in this disgusting little room for the rest of your life"

Her little room. The very top of the spring tower, the only one out of the four towers that was kept warm throughout the years. She's at the tower, in fact she never left it. At first that's the state that Melora is in. Not remembering what happened after she escaped, or the fact that she escaped at all. Life at the tower felt like an eternity, while life outside it was more like a rushed week despite the months that flew by. It's only natural that she would forget everything, even if it was just for a moment. But then, the memories slowly start to return, and she enters the second phase, and then the third. The cold chains that are tightened around her wrists wake her to it. Melora startles, in fact. This isn't just one of her nightmares. Recurring bad dreams that happen every night, every single time she closes her eyes. Being at the tower, the coldness, the mean words, the foggy mind and restricted movements. All of that always feels so real in her dream. And yet now, it feels even more real. This isn't just a dream anymore. This is reality.

The reality of her being stuck at the tower, despite promising that she would never return.

"I know you're awake, stupid witch"

Melora hears Hester's words like they're coming through a different space or time. Some tones are louder than others and it's all foggy and wrong. The witch sounds aggressive whenever Melora manages to actually understand what she is saying, and that is something she can feel proud about. Hester is a walking ghost without emotions or reactions. It's strange in itself that Melora managed to get her angry. In one way, she has won. In another way, she has lost, for her prize for winning will only hurt.

The tower is disgustingly comforting. The coldness is familiar, the chains are familiar, and the people are familiar. Their words too. It's not funny at all, and yet Melora wants to laugh. This place is her home, isn't it? It's all she has known for the past eight years and it will always be the place she will remember and know the best. It's like a vacuum, trying to pull her in every time that she leaves, both mentally and literally. Now she's stuck here again, despite thinking that she would die if she ever came back, and Melora only has one thought in mind.