I Don't Need New Friends

26. Knock-Offs & Sloppy Seconds

"Do I have you, though?" Zoe asked through her tears. "You and Sam run around literally saving the world. It's not like back before he got mixed up with you super people, where I could just pick up the phone and call him whenever I'm having a little breakdown. I can't even call him myself right now, it has to go through your encrypted shit. Not exactly reassuring."

"Can I stop you for a second?" Bucky asked gently. "You're spiraling, I know, I do it all the time. Listen, just because you are in this situation right now, doesn't mean this is forever. This is temporary. Remember that."

"That's exactly why I shouldn't rely on you..." she cried. "...because you're temporary, too."

"Zoe..." he sighed deeply and kissed the top of her head, his need to comfort and protect her overruling his emotional turmoil over how he quickly he was falling for her. "Sam keeps yelling at me not to be weird, but here we are...the truth is, you've got me even after we get out of this mess."

"I don't follow." Zoe looked at him, confused and conflicted about this whole situation. "You and Sam are out of here as soon as this is over, right? Maybe we'll talk once in a while, see each other on occasion, but you're just here hiding and sort of looking out for me. We've had a pretty intense experience, I'll give you that, but I know better than anyone that you guys have way more important things to do at a moment's notice. And it sure as shit isn't listening to some random civilian cry and whine about her guilt."

"Zoe, I say this with all due respect and out of friendship, but shut the fuck up." He used her own retort against her to get her attention. "You are not just some random civilian, okay? I don't have a lot of people in my corner...and I was hoping you were maybe becoming one of them..."

"Hold on. What the fuck are you talking about? You need a caretaker fuck buddy, too?" Zoe snapped. "You want me to hold you and tell you everything is alright, let you take out all your frustration and misery on me, patch you up once in a while, and wait by the phone on the off chance you get a second to check in? Is this some sort of sick super soldier inside joke?! Fuck you, Barnes, I'm not falling for that bullshit again!" She pulled out of his arms and looked at him with what could only be described as pure fucking rage.

"Where is this coming from? Is that really what you think of me?" Bucky tried to maintain his composure. "You think it's easy for me to be this vulnerable with you? That I go around pouring my heart out and sharing a bed with people I've literally just met? Tell me again that this isn't a fucking contest, Zoe! Are you fucking kidding me? You really think so little of me? Because I think the fucking world of you, how do you like that? Screw it, I've been happier these past few days, even with a credible threat on my life, than I can ever remember! But all I am to you is just some shitty fucking knock-off version of Steve?! That's completely unfair, and you know it!" He rubbed his face and tried not to yell. "You really think I'm the knock-off? What did you do for your first date with him? Hmm? Dinner at a nice, quiet Italian place, where he 'aww shucks' thanked you for going out with him, maybe made a joke about how a 'pretty little dame' like you ended up with a 'rough and tumble' guy like him? Then a nice stroll in the park, with simple, romantic handholding, followed by a just passionate enough but not too handsy kiss? Did he walk you to your door and kiss your hand before blushing a little when he asked if it was okay to come in?" He was livid and on the verge of losing his cool. "Did he ask you to slow dance to some Duke Ellington or Harry James, before dipping you and telling you that it was the best night of his life? Well?!?!? Did he?!"

"What the actual fuck?" Zoe's eyes were like saucers. "How the fuck could you know that? Were you there? That's impossible! You were blipped!"

"Because I taught him every goddamn thing he knows, doll." He sneered at the word that used to be his thing. "He called you that, too, didn't he? Where do you think he picked all that up? Still think I'm the knock-off? Also, for the record, I don't need a caretaker or a fuck buddy, I don't need new friends, and I sure as hell don't need to have my motives questioned when all I'm trying to do is help you!"

"So all that shit about having me in your corner? About wanting to be friends? You were just saying that for my benefit, you fucking sociopath?!" She yelled. "Since when am I the goddamn charity case here? You're the one who's trying to half-assedly cozy up to his so-called best friend's sloppy seconds!"

"I don't want his fucking leftovers, I want you, goddamn it!" He snapped and screamed loud enough to startle her. "And if you stopped trying to compare me to Steve, maybe you would fucking notice!"

"What did you just say?" She was trembling.

"That I want you like I've never wanted anything else before in my life, because you make me feel fucking human, like I'm worth a damn, and it terrifies me to feel like this, especially right now...but you're too blinded by anger and resentment for him to even consider it. He treated you like shit, Zoe. Saint fucking Steve was a complete asshole to you. And you did nothing to deserve it. And I'm clearly not him." He closed his eyes to try and calm down. "But, you'll never see me as anything other than an extension of the guy who broke your heart. And for that, I am truly sorry."

"Sorry?" Zoe roared. "You're sorry?! Fuck you, James!!! You showed up and completely imploded my life! And now you're fucking sorry?!?!?"

"Zoe, please!" He looked in her eyes and begged. "I didn't mean for any of this to..." he was cut off by her grabbing him by the face and kissing him like her life depended on it.