I Don't Need New Friends

18. Ask Me Anything

"You're in luck, James."  Zoe smirked. "It just so happens that my migraine meds make me a little more relaxed. Ask your questions, ask me anything. Nothing is off limits, so long as I get to ask you questions, too. Sound like a deal?"

"Are you sure? Wouldn't want to take advantage of your weakened state?" Bucky smirked back. He was hopeful for some good intel. Maybe some things that didn't revolve around fucking Steve...

"Is that one of your questions?" Zoe teased. "What a waste..."

"Nope, just obtaining consent like a gentleman." Bucky chuckled. "Ready? Where did you go to college?"

"Which time?" Zoe replied.

"Uh, how many times did you go to college? I thought most people just go once." Bucky had always wanted to go himself, so this intrigued him.

"Let's see, there was art school, then nursing school, grad school in nursing for my NP, then there's the second masters in public health..." Zoe listed. "I'm obviously not Bruce Banner, and I actually hated school, but I do like learning."

"You went to art school?" Bucky got excited. "I had no idea!" Fuck, Steve went to art school briefly...strike one.

"Seriously? Have you had your eyes closed? My home looks like the art book section of the library and there is almost no free wall space in the place." Zoe laughed. "Did you just think this is normal for Southern California?"

"Maybe?" Bucky shrugged. "But now that you mention it..." Come on, man, rally!

"Okay, tough guy, where would you have liked to have gone to college?" Zoe smiled. "You know, there's programs in most states where state schools are free to residents over a certain age..."

"Really? That's good to know." He took a breath. "I'm not sure where I would have specifically wanted to go. If money were no object? NYU or Columbia, maybe? If I could have, it would have been great to try to study history or law, or even engineering? I was kind of obsessed with Howard Stark back in the day...but we know how that played out, unfortunately." He paused and looked remorseful. "It's hard to say...I was a completely different person back then."

"What about now?" Zoe tilted her head. "Besides state schools, the GI bill would help cover your expenses, why not go somewhere fancy? I'm a state school girl myself, but you have more options. Plus, most places would be falling all over themselves to have a fucking Avenger matriculating."

"Maybe, but I don't think it's for me, at least not the full experience." Bucky conceded. "Would you have been okay with me sitting next to you in a lecture?"

"I'm okay with you sitting next to me no matter what, James." Zoe replied, then realized what she said. "I mean, um, I'm not saying it would be okay for some hundred year old dude to hang around the dorms with 18 year olds, but otherwise, you shouldn't let what some idiots think hold you back. If you want to go to school, fucking go! Don't you think you've earned it at this point?"

"Is that your question? What a waste..." Bucky smiled, enjoying watching her face flush slightly. "Did you actually do anything with your art training?"

"Yup. Worked as a commercial artist for few years until I went back for nursing." Zoe chuckled. "Though the best thing I got out of art school was hands down the amazing guy I was married to..."

"You were married?" Bucky asked, trying not to assume anything. "How long?"

"5 years. Plus another 2 together..." Zoe sighed. "He was brilliant, super talented, driven, hilarious...and the absolute best."

"Can I ask what happened?" Bucky tread lightly. "It's okay if it's too personal."

"Nope, I said I'd answer, plus I love talking about him." Zoe smiled. "We were in Hawaii on a much needed vacation. He had surprised me with a helicopter tour of the volcanoes on the Big Island. Freak accident left him and 7 others dead, and me with this gorgeous thing." She pointed to the scar on the left side of her head. "But he was the most amazing, kind, wonderful man, and I'm grateful for every second we had together."

"Jesus..." Bucky took it all in. "...is that why you keep that part of your hair short? So you can see it?"

"Yup, plus I'm exceptionally lazy and have no idea what to do with my hair." Zoe chuckled. "It sounds absurd, but it actually makes me smile to look at now."

"Because it reminds you of him." Bucky smiled. "Damn, I wish I felt that way about any of my scars..."

"Trust me, I probably put multiple shrinks kids through Ivy League schools to get to this point." Zoe laughed. "Every other mark and scar on this lumpy flesh bag, not so much."

"So you've been married, have multiple degrees, you've dealt with the Avengers, survived the Blip, had your heart broken by the first Captain America, are best friends with the current one, and now you're in lockdown with the worlds deadliest assassin..." Bucky rattled off. "...you've been busy."

"Oh, but that's just the beginning, new friend!" Zoe laughed dryly. "That's just the tip of the crazy iceberg...You think Sam and I are tight by accident?" Zoe smirked. "He's my trauma buddy. I was finishing up the practical part of my public health studies at the VA and needed some help. Didn't know it at the time that he would become the brother I never had."

"He has that effect on people." Bucky smiled warmly, then asked the trillion dollar question. "Hey, how come you and Sam never got together?"

"Did he put you up to this?" Zoe laughed. "I love Sam Wilson with everything I've got, but like I said, he's my weirdly younger-older brother. No offense, but that's just gross...besides, he needs someone with way less baggage who can put up with all his superhero daredevil antics. Plus, he needs kids in the worst way. He's already an amazing role model to his nephews. I think once he meets the right one, his whole perspective will change. He'll do the right thing and hang up the shield so he can be there for his family."

"Did you ever want kids?" Bucky asked, knowing this was a loaded question.

"Honestly, no...then I was told I couldn't have them, so the decision was made. My husband didn't want them, either, so we were good with it." Zoe sighed. "I know where you're going with this. If I didn't want kids, why would I be willing to have them with Steve, right? Well, I'd already had my happy ending, it just didn't last. Figured if I could help someone else have theirs, someone as incredible as Steven Fucking Rogers have his happiness, after everything he'd been through, especially in the middle of the mess the world was in, why wouldn't I? He somehow picked me, who was I to say no?"

"But what about what you wanted?" Bucky's eyebrows were practically touching. "You seriously just gave in? Just like that?"

"Pretty much." Zoe shook her head, still kicking herself for being so stupid. "Nat and Tony thought I was out of my damn mind."

"I think I agree with them." Bucky sat back.