Talk of the Town

11 //

There is no fan in her room.

The ceiling looks so empty without it.

At home, whenever she stares at the ceiling from her bed, the blades of the fan spin so fast that they lose clarity and blur out. Her mind is the fan and her thoughts are the blade. Spinning, spinning, blurring, blurring. All she knows is that she's running in circles, not making any progress at all.

But unlike the fan, there is no switch to stop her thoughts. At least not until she sleeps. And it is very hard to sleep with the noise inside her head.

For the past hour, Miraya has been stuck on that treadmill. She keeps replaying what happened at dinner to make sense of it and she comes to a few conclusions.

1. Miraya wasn't a person to hold grudges. Not for this long. But what Shray did to her flipped her life upside down and scarred her deeply that she simply refused to forgive him for it. And he hadn't even apologised! Or tried to. It's like he had forgotten what happened entirely. That hurt her even more. So, he deserves the cold shoulder.

2. She wants to confront him about it but the truth is, a part of her doesn't want that closure. She is scared that what he might have to say or the meaningless excuse he might come up with will put her mind to eternal misery. That chapter of her life is closed. The most confusing character out of it had sneaked its way into her life and the best thing to do was avoid it. Confronting him means opening that book again and she will not do it.

3. If Miraya can still feel the butterflies around Shray after all these years, her feelings for him never died. She had just chosen to ignore it. And seeing him after a long time caused the warm fuzzy feelings to bubble right back to the surface.

Even though her heart wants nothing but to forgive him, walk into his arms and fall for his smile again and again, she won't do it. Because, if anyone's going to make her let go of her fears and jump off the ledge for love, it is Shray. She can't allow that. She can't let herself get carried away.

So, what is her action plan? Miraya can't figure that out. She would probably get the interview done as quickly as possible, maintain the fake illness she has and run for her life. Away from Shray, away from the source of all the complicated thoughts in the world.

But another part of her heart wants to stay here as long as she can and stare at Shray from afar because she can never afford to see him again.

Miraya hears giggles and the balcony door closing shut. "...definitely will. And go to sleep. I know you have a big day tomorrow and no one's going to like cranky Ashraf. Get your beauty sleep now so that you'll wake up sexy tomorrow. Not like you already aren't," Fiya whispers the last line into her phone but in the dead of the night and with no whirring of the fan, it's clearly audible.

"I know what your profession is!" Fiya states, balancing her phone between her ear and her shoulder. "There is a high chance the students are going to pick you as their professor because you look like a dreamboat. And that's totally a good thing. Well, as long as you are mine."

Miraya shakes her head with a smile.

"Oh god, okay, okay. I am well assured of that. No insecurities. Gosh, that was a joke, Ashraf," Fiya says. Then she pulls away the phone and mouths to Miraya, "he's so cute I can't handle it."

Miraya laughs.

"Okay, goodnight. I'll kiss you but Miraya is right here and I don't want to make her gag. She's already bled her ears out after hearing our corny conversations," Fiya says into the phone. Miraya hears Ashraf's laughter.