he wants to throw the phone across the room and watch it shatter into pieces. but instead he says "mom, i need to complete my assignment. i will talk to you later"
ofc, i won't disturb you. take care, okay?"
"yeah, you too" he says, trying his best to not sound shaky.
the line goes silent. the phone from his hand slips and falls on the floor but taeyong is too dazed to notice.
he feels a pit in his stomach like he's going to throw up and his mouth tastes bitter. he gets up, rushing towards the bathroom. he gurgles several times and when that doesn't seem to work, he picks up the toothbrush and brushes his teeth.
he stops when the only thing he can taste is the mint flavoured toothpaste. the brush is damaged because of how hard he has used it, probably hurting his gums too.
he doesn't know if he's having a panic attack but it's getting hard to breathe. he opens his mouth but no matter how many times he gasps or sucks air, it does not reach his lungs.
his mind is like a wild storm. his thoughts run in a spiral. it's like a train crash or an explosion of a rocket mid air, except it's not just one crash or a single explosive. it's a continuous, never ending cycle of crashes and explosions.
it's too much for him, so he does what he thinks will stop it. may it be temporary.
he stands under the shower, fully clothed, the temperature on the highest. the hot water falls on his skin, turning it a light shade of red.
he stares down at his feets, the water drips down his jeans, gliding down his feets and sliding through his toes, into the drain.
concentrating on something that's not his thoughts helps him calm down. he focuses on the hot steamy water falling on his delicate skin, turning it red with burns.
he hears the faint sound of the door opening and footsteps walking towards his bedroom.
"taeyong? baby? im home" it's johnny, his boyfriend of three years.
johnny walks into the bathroom and stares at taeyong standing under the hot shower, burning himself on purpose. his legs are trembling so much, johnny thinks he's going to collapse on the floor.
johnny doesn't say anything. he quietly turns off the shower and wraps taeyong's shaking body in a towel. he guides him out of the bathroom and makes him sit on the study chair he was sitting minutes ago.
he brings taeyong's dry clothes from his closet and helps him wear them.
taeyong uses the towel to dry his hair as he observes johnny's movements. he's so calm. that's one thing he admires about him. johnny doesn't make a big deal out of his problems. he deals with everything so calmly and peacefully, unlike taeyong.
taeyong is like a wild, salty ocean whereas johnny is a calm, sweet river. taeyong is messy even though johnny would prefer the word abstract.
johnny comes back with a first aid box. he picks up a cream and holds taeyong's slender fingers in his. "it won't burn" he says and he's right. the cream doesn't burn. in fact it feels cool on his red skin.
he watches as johnny gently applies it on his neck, hands, knees and finally legs, making sure not to apply much pressure on his skin, in case he hurts him.
when taeyong looks up from his feets, he finds johnny staring at him. he knows johnny wants to say something so he waits patiently.
"want to talk or want to cuddle?" johnny asks, voice soft as if he's talking to a child.
johnyong
ابدأ من البداية
