False Confidence

34

Tristan has been signaling for me to head down to the basement but I merely shake my head, I am not even in the mood to attempt to defy my mother. I remain on the sofa, clutching the warm tea to my chest. Everyone is chatting around us. Our younger cousin, Cassie is playing on the carpet with Emma and Alena, who keeps looking over at me in concern. We haven't been able to talk since the garden and I know she thinks our dad has an issue with us but I think how far that is from the truth. 

"Harper can you please go and get Emma's apple snack, it is in the pantry." Mom says over the conversation and I see Alena look at her confused. 

"I can get-"

"-Harper will." My mom interrupts and with a confused look Alena closes her mouth and I stand up, heading towards the kitchen. The staff are all there putting together lunch. My  mouth waters at the smell as I walk into the pantry, not even registering that the lights are already on. 

"What are you doing here?" I start at Harriet's voice, I turn ready to get out of there but the door is closed and I hear the bolt going across the door. What the heck?

"I will open it when you have sorted yourselves out." Moms voice is muffled through the door and I feel my stomach sinking. She is good, I will give her that. How did I not notice her sending Harriet in here. 

"But what about Emma's snack?!" There is silence on the other side.

"I thought I was supposed to be the stupid one," I turn eyeing Harriet, my arms crossed as I raise my eyebrows "Emma doesn't need a snack, she had one when she woke up like ten minutes ago." Oh right. I have been far to distracted for my own liking today and most of it has been in my head. 

"What are you doing in here then?" 

"Helping the chefs find the cranberry sauce."

"They have already made it." Her mouth forms an 'o' and I nod. It seems we are both easily fooled by our parents. "Well if you could apologise then we can get out of here."

"Why would I apologise?"

"Because you are the one that got helped in the end and you screamed horrible things at me."

If looks can kill "I came to you in confidence."

"No, you came to me with a problem and I fixed it."

"I never asked you too-"

"-So what?" I ask my voice rising with my temperature. "I never asked you to set me up with Steve and you did, I never asked to be involved in cheerleading and yet I am, I never asked you to date my bestfriend and yet you are," The can of worms is opening, with things I did not think I had an issue with . "And I am sorry if you do not like how I dress, if I embarrass you, but I actually like myself, it is not my fault you do not. I accepted that we were different a long time ago. I will never be able to flip three ways and sew a dress but I can do advanced math. So what? You don't want to be a mathematician, you don't want to do the things I am good at." There are tears falling out her eyes but I am not done, all those years of shutting up and keeping quiet are pouring out as I point at her. 

"You are so self-absorbed that you do not see how your actions affect those around you, affect me." She flinches and I shrug "I told mom and dad because yes I wanted to help you but I was stressing for you and I couldn't handle it. I didn't know what else to do."

There is silence as my try calm my breathing, her face awash with tears. I watch her as she watches me.  "Y-you don't want me to date Spencer?"

I pause shaking my head "No, that is fine, you guys are cute together, I just wanted to show you an example when you made a decision that affected me without talking to me first about it."

"I am sorry." I am surprised as I stare into her eyes, seeing nothing but genuine feeling " I didn't know you were feeling all that."

"Because I hide it." I frown, sighing as I run a hand down my face " Maybe I should have been more open with you."

I step closer "I have missed you, Harriet."

"I missed you too." Suddenly we are hugging and crying and I feel like something clicks back into place inside of me.  "So you dating Alena now?" She asks as our sobs quieten down and she releases me from a hug. "I am sorry I wasn't there to help you with your first date."

I give a pained smile as we pull away "I am sorry Harper, I was being stupid." I nod and she gives a small smile, the bolt behind us clicks and our parents faces peak inside.

"All sorted?" 

We both nod and they mirror us "Good, now please can we eat lunch." 

After we wash our faces and Harriet reapplies her makeup we sit down for an epic lunch. We are stuffed as we head outside for annual baseball game. We play until I hit the ball into the neighbors yard. They are on holiday and so the game is over. 

"Can I please go and beat you at mortal combat now?" Tristan begs as everyone piles into the living room, cheeks red and large smiles on their faces. I glance at mom who with a sigh nods her head. 

"Yes!" We race down the stairs, pushing each other as we go. Like he is going to beat me. 

It isn't until Later when I am laying staring at the ceiling, having had a full day, tired from all the times I beat Tristan that my parents walk into the room. 

"Harper can we talk?"

I sit up, looking at the serious faces before nodding. "So your dad said that you and Alena where kissing earlier?" Mom starts and my face immediately colours but I nod and she nods as well. "We want you to be happy, but we also want you girls to be safe-"

"-I am not listening if this is the birds and bees talk, you have already given it to me!"

"Well, technically we gave you the wrong one." Dad  points out unhelpfully and I frown in their direction "But that isn't what this is."

"Oh." I pause "Then what?"

"We just want you to be sure this is what you want because if you two break up we can't just kick them out, Emma needs stability and so does Alena."

"I know mom." My heart warms that they would still support the pair even if something happens between us. "I wouldn't want that, even if something does happen."

They nod, watching me and I sigh "I am sure about this thing with Alena.'

"Very well." They stand up and mom draws me into a hug "I am privileged to watch you grow into the young lady you are becoming."

"Thanks mom."

Dad is next, kissing my forehead and smiling at me. "Sorry for yelling at you earlier, we good?"

I nod and with a grin they disappear out my room. I sigh, my chest bursting as I collapse back onto the bed. Today has been so full with feelings and emotions I might just explode, leaving nothing but gooey sunshine scattered on my walls.