On Set Love •Joseph Quinn•

014

Joseph's been off this morning. Ever since last night, really. He refuses to make eye contact with me, barely even looking at me in general, and acts awkward and uncomfortable when I'm close to him.

I don't know what could've brought this on. Everything was fine—perfect even—up until the end of last night, and I still can't figure out what happened. I've retraced last night probably a million times, and nothing jumps out. It was like all of the sudden, a flip changed and now he's acting as if me being around him brings him great discomfort.

The drive to set is filled with an awkward silence, which has been going on since this morning, besides the small words and sentences when we actually need something.

The drive feels longer than ever, and I practically run to escape the car. Usually I dread having to leave Joseph, even if it's only for the half an hour it takes for us both to get ready, but I guess things are different now.

Gina's reading on the couch again. I notice that she's now on the second book. She started the series only a few weeks ago, and she never reads this fast. Usually she never even finishes the books unless she has to. She's committed.

"Hey, did you-are you okay?" she asks, slight concern on her face. I hate how she can see into my soul, immediately knowing when something's wrong.

"What? I'm fine," I mumble. She stares at me strangely.

"Did something happen?" she questions.

"Just tired. Didn't get much sleep last night." which is true. My worrying kept me up to the very early hours of the morning. I couldn't shake that this was something more serious than what I had originally thought, and I'm beginning to think that I'm right, though I'm begging I'm not. I'd give anything to be wrong.

"Okay..." she says. And by her tone of voice, I know she doesn't believe me, but it doesn't matter. It's not like I can actually tell her. I wish I could, though. I don't care who it is, but not having anyone to talk to about these confusing and hard feelings is the worst. I have to keep every single thing bottled up inside of me, and it hurts more than I ever thought it could.

I sit down in the chair while Cherry begins morphing me into Lia, the small breakfast I ate not settling well in my stomach. I take a sip of my water, hoping it would subside my nausea, but I know it won't. The problem is deeper down than some bad food. At least I hope it is, I do not want to deal with food poisoning right now.

She finishes doing my makeup and hair and I soon have to get up and face the day, which is a lot easier when Joseph is by my side and is being the person I fell in love with—not this distant stranger.

It's refreshing to act with him again. It's like I get him back, in a way. I know that sounds weird, but Eddie and Lia's relationship is veering on friendship, so it's almost like I have Joseph back. Almost.

But the second the camera stops rolling, he acts as if I'm not in the room, and does everything to ignore my gaze. All day. All fucking day I wait for him to look at me. I don't care about the circumstances, I just want him to notice me. But he doesn't. We could be the only people in the room and something else would catch his eye.

I've been on the brink of tears all day. I don't know where things went wrong or what I did. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours and I already miss him more than anything.