If I Stay✔️

46

The burning feeling grew hotter, I could feel the small specks of blood cling to my nail beds, but that didn't stop me. I dug my nails in harder, hoping the pressure would somehow soothe the never ending itch — never ending pain.

You're taking him away from Lily now, she needs him more than you do.

Selfish, selfish, selfish...

"Grey, I think he's heard enough." Jack said, but I could barley hear him. I felt like I was suffocating, like someone had covered my head with a plastic bag and attempted to drown me.

It's too much, everything is too much.

"No, he needs to hear this. He needs to know I'm sorry." Grey cut him off, his words sounding more and more muffled as my ears began to ring. "The drugs, Le. I didn't mean to go off at you the way I did. I was terrified, and I let my fear cloud my judgement. You're so important to me. When you jumped..." he paused, his words echoing in my mind, his voice sounding low and hollow, tainted with fear. "I felt my heart leave my body, and I didn't even think, I just jumped in straight after you, all whilst praying you'd be okay, that I'd find you. I—"

I couldn't hear anything else. Grey jumped in after me? Am I the reason he's in a cast? My actions could've killed him.

I could feel my heart thudding in my chest, my palms slick with sweat, my eyes and skin both burning intensely. I clutched my hands over my ears, the blood from my self inflicted wound warm as it trailed down to my elbow, dripping onto the white sheets beneath me.

Sobs filled the air, it took me a few moments to realise the sound was coming from me.

Hands touched me, jolting me further into the depths of my despair. It was as if I was back there again, in Marco's room. His callous fingers gripping my wrists as his body suffocated mine. I could feel myself gasping, my lungs begging me just to breathe. 

But I couldn't.

He was touching me, he didn't ask if he could. He didn't care that I didn't want to. My refusal fuelled him, he relished in my fear. His touches burned, leaving embers and ashes in their wake. I was scarred, I was paralysed, I was voiceless, I was everything no one should ever have to be.

After what felt like hours, the hands finally left me, but the terror remained, the panic was still there. My hands still trembled, my heart still heart still beat erratically. No matter what, he'd always still be with me. The scars of his doing remained etched in my mind. The flashbacks, the memories, the words, the touches...

I would never be free. I would always be bound to him in some way, shape or form. He would always be another demon, even in his absence, my mind would never allow me to forget. They would never allow me to forget.

I felt a cooling sensation in the back of my hand, the feeling drifting through my veins. I felt like I was high, like I'd smoked the worlds strongest blunt. I relished in that feeling, in that small moment of nothingness as all my worries suddenly faded back into the darkness.

My body slowly drifted backwards, my head hitting the pillow beneath me with a gentle thud. I could feel hands on me again, but unlike last time, I didn't care. For once, I allowed sleep to welcome me with open arms.

***

T H I R D  P E R S O N

"What the fuck were you thinking?" Zac said to Grey, his blue orbs burning with fury. He gripped the back of his shirt, pulling him from Leo's hospital room into the hallway.