Life After Heartstopper

I Love you More than Anything

Nick's pov:
I just keep repeating 'I'm sorry', over and over again. I don't know what else to say or do. We both know this isn't about a stupid name, but I don't know why exactly I'm acting like this.

I'm just laying in Charlie's arms, bawling my eyes out. He shouldn't have to deal with this, not with everything he's already been through. But I don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop this.

"I- I think you need to see someone" Charlie suggests, voice hollow, cracking as he speaks. "Like a therapist, or psychiatrist or something."
That takes me aback. "You do?" I question.
Maybe it would be a good idea. But, I- I don't know.
"Look, I've been doing some research" Charlie begins to explain.
"Wait, research on what?" I query. What has he been looking into? When has he been looking into it?
"I-I think you may have separation anxiety" the words struggle to leave his mouth. "Or I don't know, maybe generalised anxiety." He quickly adds.

I take a second to think, "Really?" I question. I haven't really thought about it to be honest. Like, I know I haven't really been myself recently, but I haven't thought too much into anything. I've sort of just been, well, trying to get by.
"I know I don't have the right to tell you what to do" Charlie states, about to continue his sentence. But I quickly interrupt.
"No, no. You do." I say. "I want your opinion on everything. I want to know what you think."
We both go silent for a second. I raise my eyes slightly to meet Charlie's. "What do you think?" I ask.

Charlie explains to me what he's been thinking, and looking into. Explaining the possibilities of what could be going on, and then the options that I could take.
He rambles on for a good few minutes. But I listen. I listen to everything he has to say,  and try to take everything in.
"So, what do you think?" He asks sincerely.
"You know, I haven't really thought much about it until now." I explain. "But, I-I think you might be right."
We nod at each other, solidifying our agreement on our conversation, then fall into the others arms, embracing into a very much needed hug.

Me and Charlie have always said that everyone should have therapy at some point in their lives. It's always so stigmatised but it really shouldn't be. Everyone needs help at one point or another, and they should be able to get it without feeling pressure or stigmatisation. Although, now we're actually talking about it, I do feel a bit odd. Not that it hadn't crossed my mind that it could be useful for me to see a therapist. But that I just hadn't thought about me having some sort of anxiety. And needing to see someone specifically for that.

Charlie and I move over to the sofa and he pulls out his laptop, before showing me some websites that he's pinned.
There's about 20 tabs open now, all minimised at the top of the screen.

"Wow! You really have been doing your research haven't you!" I laugh. But, in reality, I'm so thankful that he has. I'm so thankful for him.
"You've done the same for me in the past!" He speaks lovingly, softly. "It's about time that I do the same for you now." He chuckles slightly reaching out for my hand.

He's not wrong, when we were younger I did a lot of research about a lot of things. Trying to figure out my sexuality was a massive thing that I researched, but also Charlie's mental and physical health. That was the one that I went most in-depth about. I always wanted to make sure that he was okay. So I researched every possibility, then anything I could do to help, and how to bring all of this up to him. And now, he's doing the same for me, and I couldn't be more grateful.

We have a lengthy conversation about everything. What we think could be going on with me, what I could do about that, and what our next steps will be.

"Do you want me to contact Geoff to see if there's anyone he can recommend?" Charlie suggests, tone slightly more upbeat then before.
"Yeah, I think that would be a good idea." I reply, "Thank you."

Charlie doesn't see Geoff, his therapist, much anymore, although he still goes occasionally when things get tough. But he thought that one of Geoff's connections might be able to help, so we decided to reach out.
We sent a text and in a matter of minutes, Geoff got back to us. Within his message was a list of therapists and psychiatrist, including their contact details and specialities. We truly can't thank him enough for what he's done for us over the years, and now this. He is one amazing guy.

We scroll through the list a couple of times, ensuring not to miss any details. 
"This one looks good?" I suggest to Charlie, pointing towards the contact for a Dr Molly Dantrie.
"Yeah, I think she seems to be the most fitting for you." He replies. "Do you want me to call her office?"
"Yeah," I say, "that would me great." I cup Charlie's hand in mine and lean over for a kiss. "Thank you." I add appreciatively, gazing into his eyes.

Charlie calls the office and places his phone on speaker.
"Hello, Dr Molly Dantrie's office. I'm Cecily, how can I help?" A soft feminine voice speaks up from the other end of the phone after a couple of rings.

Charlie passes me the phone, allowing me to explain how I've been feeling and what's been going on recently. They seem very sympathetic and understanding.
"You know what," they say after checking the calendar, "you've called at a very good time. We've just had a cancellation for 4pm Friday. If you're available then, of course?"

I look over at Charlie, he meets my eyes then nods once. A small smile appears on his face, just a slight tug of the corner of his mouth. An approving, yet sympathetic smile.
"Y-yes, that's perfect." I respond, "Thank you so much!"
"Not a problem at all." They assure me before exchanging details and pleasantries, then ending the call.

I place Charlie's phone down on the sofa, and the second it reaches the fake leather fabric, he pounces on top of me. Pulling me into a bear hug, tightening his arms and legs around my shoulders and waist respectively.
"I'm so proud of you!" He says softly with a breathy voice into my ear, sending tingles from the top of my scalp, through every inch of my body, down to the tips of my toes.

"I love you" I whisper back.
"I love you" he reciprocates.

Charlie's pov:
I couldn't be more in love with Nick then I am right now. He's taking account for himself, and getting the help that he needs. He listened to what I had to say and didn't dismiss anything I suggested.
Well, he did after he calmed down at least.

I pull back from our hug, separating our bodies for just a minute. I stand up and take his hand, pulling him up to meet my level, then leading him into our bedroom.
"Close the door" I mutter with a smirk as we step into the room. "Daisy doesn't need to see this" I hint.
He's tries to hide his excitement, but he finally breaks. A massive grin shows on his face, and a smug laugh expels from his mouth as he gently closes the door.

Without moving from the doorway, he yanks me back. Pulling me so hard that his whole body slams back against the door as my body propels into his.
"Ow" Nick complains, but we both just laugh it off. Giggling into each other's necks, lightening the mood slightly as we migrate towards the bed.

"You are literally the love of my life" I say as we fall arm in arm onto the mattress.
"Fucking hell," he replies, "I love you more then literally anything in the world."
I smile to myself, my whole body tingling. "Even Daisy?" I wonder.
"Hmm, that's a tough one" he laughs. "Yes," he adds a second layer, his eyes rolling back as he sighs, "even Daisy."