Bucky Barnes X Y/n: I hate you, I love you

Chapter 32

'Why do you keep checking the back the back of her head', Vision questioned as he drew a needle, 'Hydra put something at the back of her head, I noticed it a few weeks before she got here, I don't know what it does, but I think it's something to do with supressing her memories, they don't want her to know something and I think it's just a mechanism, so she didn't go back to her usual way', he explained.

'Her usual way', Nat questioned as her brows furrow and he nods, 'I think there's some sort of programming in her, that's why when she loses control, she can't control herself and Hydra intended that', he says.

'You're saying she's got something that Bucky had too', Steve says as he nods, 'Mmm, the device kept her in check, I'm working on something to safely remove it', he responded, then when he injects her, she jerks up and wraps her hand around his throat, 'Y/n', he calls out first, then she stares at him and releases her grip, 'I'm sorry', she says and squeezes my hand, 'It's okay', he tells her.

*End of POV*

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The smell of food is the first thing to wake me up, so when I opened my eyes, I saw Bucky with a tray of food and sat up a little, 'here', Bucky says as he hands me a bowl of soup and I take it, 'do you want some lemonade', he asked as I look up at him and nod whilst he smiles a little and fills a cup for me whilst I begin to eat slowly.

I took another spoon full when I saw Steve, Wanda, Sam, Pietro, Nat, and Vision come in and smiled after they saw me awake and eating, I haven't been able to eat for a couple days so I think they we're happy I was eating, but beside that, I gained a big apatite so I was more then hungry.

'Would you like anything else', Wanda asked as I shook my head and continued to eat, it was making my stomach better and I was just grateful to Bucky that he never gave me anything heavy to eat.

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I was getting bored in bed, so I went out for a walk to get some fresh air and clear my head as I looked around, it took me half an hour to walk out of the compound gates and get into the city, but I didn't mind it, I needed the exercise and to stretch out my legs.

I looked at one of the stores, it was all boarded up, but it seemed familiar as I looked at it but couldn't make it out. I stepped forward, seeing a part of the board broken and peaked inside, I couldn't see much, only an empty space where a brown leather chair was sitting in the corner of the room with a print on the cushion, like it had been occupied by someone but now it just sits their, waiting for an owner.

I stepped back and was just about to head somewhere else when I paused still and froze, oh god, my voice, shuddering in my head as the three of them walked over, talking and laughing amongst themselves, but that wasn't the problem I was having, it was the fact that they were dressed like clowns and it wasn't like the one you'd see in kid shows or at a circus, it was literally full on, white masked, a stupid red smile that went ear to ear and a painted red nose. That was just one of them, the middle, the tallest of the two, had a painted white face and black on their eyes, and mouth which was just sinister when the other looked like him to.

Before I knew it, I walked into an alleyway, and remained in the shadows, I hated clowns anyone that don't are bloody crazy, they're so creepy and all around disturbing and I hate them so much.

I sighed, my breath shaky after they walked past and I just slumped down and put my head on my knees, trying to gather myself the best I could before I decided to step out and head back to the compound, why do people have to dress like that, it was unsettling to say the least.

Just when I got my breathing to a steady paste, I felt a light tap on my shoulder as I jump and look up to see Bucky, 'sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you', he says as I sighed in relief and nod, 'it's fine', I said as he shares the most beautiful smile I've seen in forever whilst his dimples deepen and the lines in his eyes increase, 'what', I questioned, curious as to why he was laughing when I noticed, 'nothing, just didn't assume you'd be one scared of clowns', he says as I look into his ocean eyes, 'am not, just wanted to sit here', I said, not giving him the satisfaction he was craving, 'really, let's go then', he says, pointed out of an alleys as I stare back and forth at him then the exit, 'I like it here better', I said, weighing my options to either strut out and face those faces or stay here for longer until they're well gone from here and I sighed in frustration when I saw his chest rumbling and somehow knew he was laughing and realised I just gave myself up.

I crossed my arms, clearly frustrated with him, I'm not here to be a laughing stock, 'pouty little thing aren't you', he says as I whip my head back to him and swat his arm, 'I'm not little', I said as he chuckled again and I roll my eyes whilst looking away again, he's annoying, I said to myself as my inner self laughs, a cutie though, she responds as I refrain myself from scoffing and rolling my eyes again.

'Come on, I'm walking back, you can come with me if you'd like', he suggested as I weighed my options, go back with him or go alone and risk the fact that I'd accidentally run into those clowns again which I didn't want, so I scrambled to my feet whilst he sprung up and turned.

Just when I was about to follow him, I heard a little cry, a whimper of some sort as I turn my head back around and before I could stop myself, I was already walking over, curious as to what was making that noise and feeling a pang of something inside me, worry, I could somehow feel it calling out to me, like it wanted me to find it and save it so I just walked over and followed the sound which lead me to a large industrial wheelie red bin and began to push it away.

When I did, I saw a little animal, sprawled up in a ball covered in dirt and grime as it continues to cry out and I kneeled down, put out my hand and reached for it whilst it growled but soon turned into another whimper, don't worry baby, we won't hurt you, my other half says as I internally agree and keep it comfortable in the palm of my hands which wasn't to hard to do when it was literally the same size.

'Do...', Bucky began as I turned back to him whilst he cleared his throat and looked down at my hands, 'I just found it, I think it might be hurt', I said, looking back down at the frail thing.

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We made it back to the compound after I brought some stuff and walked straight into the Medbay, then put her down on the little tray I cleared and put a sheet of tissue on.

I began to work on her after realising it was a girl and softly and carefully cleaned her through whilst she carried on crying so without realising, I hummed a sweet little lullaby which calmed her more and settled so I could wash her through.

I injected her, something to ease her pain and make what I'm about to do to her calmer and make sure she couldn't feel it and sleep through it which she did and I began to fixed her broken skin and stitched it as best I could.

'Want any help', I heard Bucky as I looked up at him standing across me and shook my head, 'I got it', I said as he nods, pulls up a chair and sits their whilst I continue, 'so, you can fix animals to', he says as I kept my focus and made sure I didn't slip up anywhere, 'yeah I'm good with animals', I respond as I grab some scissors and break the thread free.

Once I did, I cleaned my hands from the little blood I had on there and went to clean her fur too, she's knocked out so the least I could do is give her a better bath and I could clean her away from the streets.

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Two things I notice, one, she had a lot more dirt and flees on her then expected but I got rid of them by searching every inch of her skin, making sure I didn't miss a spot. The other thing I noticed was that she only had one eye, the other was just dark brown whilst the other was sawn, professionally which made me glad she was at least treated but made me mad that someone had actually abandoned her and left her to fend for herself.

The medicine was wearing off when I noticed she came through and smiled as she blinked over and over again and began to purr and put out my hand, allowing her to sniff it which she did and nuzzled her head on it, a little appreciation to me and I loved it.

'What is that', I heard Tony as I look over and then back at it, 'a kitten', I respond as he looks back at me, 'I know what it is, I mean why do you have it', he says as I look back at him, 'I found her injured so I fixed her up', I said.

'Okay, well, there's a rule, no pets...', he began as I pick her up and look back at him, 'oh but why, please, I'll look after her and make sure she doesn't bother you', I said as I noticed his silent sigh and knew he was caving, 'please', I said, doughy eyes and all whilst he rolls his eyes and walks out whilst I smile and look down at her clinging to my chest.

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