Bonfilius Series #1: Autumn Ends When

02 (Aki, wake up)

Chapter 2

Conrad
Present

I was inside my car and followed her right after she exited the campus gate. Lumabas ako sa sasakyan ko nang makita ko siyang lumusot sa isang iskinita at nakikipagsiksikan sa mga taong kapwa naghahabol ng oras. Sinundan ko siya kahit wala siyang pakiramdam sa mga taong nakatingin at nag-aalala sa kaniya.

I care for her. I always care for her.

When she lost herself, I feel like I need to save her. I always thought I could be her hero because we're best friends, but...

I never saved her.

Ni hindi ko nga alam kung anong nangyayari sa kaniya noong mga panahong tumatawa at ngumingiti siya sa harap ko. Wala akong ideya kung anong tumatakbo sa isip niya noong mga panahong nagbibiro siya. And I hated myself more when I realized that all while I was thinking of myself, she was hurting.

I was selfish. Ilang beses kong pinaglandakan sa mundo na kaibigan niya ako at laging nasa likod niya ako, pero isang gabi... isang gabi lang... ni hindi ko pa siya niligtas. Kahit isang gabi man lang nalaman ko kung anong nangyayari.

But I can never turn back time. And even if I can, I won't try to bring her back on those days. I don't want her to experience those things again.

Huminto ako nang makita ko siyang tumigil sa hagdanan at may dalawang batang nasa harap niya, nanglilimos. Bumagsak ang dalawa kong balikat at tumabi ng daan pero hindi ko pinutol ang tingin ko sa kaniya. Hinintay ko kung anong gagawin niya pero nagdaan ang ilang minuto nang hindi man lang siya gumagalaw. Nanatili siyang nakatitig sa mga bata.

I said that I won't want to grow up if it only means that I will be away from her. But fuck me because I wasn't true to my words. I know we turned out this way not because that night happened. Nagkaroon ng malaking agwat sa pagitan naming dalawa bago ko pa man malaman ang nangyayari sa kaniya. And I still keep thinking if where would we be if I only kept her by my side? What could have happened if I didn't choose to grow up without her beside me? Maybe things could've turned differently.

"Salamat po!" Sigaw ng dalawang bata nang abutan sila ni Aki ng five hundred peso bill.

A faint smile crossed my lips. Pero agad din iyong napawi nang humarap siya at nakita ko ang mukha niya. Her untamed red hair brightened more with the light coming from the afternoon sun. She didn't cut her hair for three years and if only my grandma didn't visit her months ago, she wouldn't even thought of trimming it at least. Ngayon ay umaabot na lamang hanggang balikat ang bahagyang umaalon niyang buhok.

Her eyes wandered absently and they found mine but it was only quick. She descended the stairs and started walking again.

"Excuse me," I told the woman ahead of me to get through the other people and tail Aki.

Humalo siya sa mas maraming tao sa kabilang sidewalk at binilisan ko pa ang aking paglalakad upang mahabol siya.

I always follow her and she was never aware of my presence. We attend the same university and I have her schedule with me. I always make sure that I was already out before her last class ends; therefore, I can wait for her ahead. Hinihintay ko siyang lumabas ng gate at sa tuwing nakikita ko na ang agaw-pansin niyang pulang buhok ay pinapaandar ko na ang aking sasakyan pero meron ding pagkakataon na kinakailangan kong maglakad dahil minsan ay kung saan-saan pa siya dumadaan. Like she forgets where's her way back home and she will only remember it an hour later after she already walked far enough.

I don't know what's going inside her head, but I hate to see her this way.

I miss her bright smile. The way her hazel green eyes gleam like a ray of sun streaking through the leaves of evergreens. Her laugh that sounds like a lovely song. The way she doesn't care if people would point out the way she dresses. I miss the way she won't leave my side. The way she won't do things without me because we're partners. We're always partners in everything.