The Nanny

Chapter 50

"Damn", Stefan murmurs and clasping my hand with his, he starts leading us out. "This guy is definitely something."

"He is a softie at heart", I laugh. "Just don't mind him. He loves being extra."

"I'm well aware of the extraness", he shakes his head slightly in disbelief.

Once we reach home, Mary meets Stefan and after making dinner, she takes her leave. Stefan stays with Liam until he falls asleep and then he goes for a bath while I start stressing again.

I'm scared shitless right now. How am I suppose to shower in that washroom where I was filmed? I am being paranoid again. But what if it happens again?

"Jess are you okay?", Stefen asks, in concern. I am so lost while overthinking that I don't even sense him standing close to me.

"Yeah", I murmur. "I'll change your dressing. Take a seat."

"Tell me", he says in a gentle voice, not even moving when I try to pull him to walk.

"I want to take a shower", my voice is still low. "But I'm scared. What if....."

"Hey", he takes my hands into his. "There's no camera inside. I checked every corner myself. Trust me, there's nothing inside."

"Are you sure?", I ask, my skin crawling when I think about the naked pictures and videos of mine.

"I'm sure darling", he assures me again.

"Nobody saw them?"

"Nobody saw them", he continues, reassuringly. "I destroyed everything. Don't stress yourself please. I won't let anything happen to you."

Unknowingly a tear slips from my eye at the thought that he saw me naked in the video. My toes curl with discomfort. I didn't want him to see me like this. He has always been with skinny women. They were perfect but me on the other hand, I have stretch marks. I am nothing compare to those skinny and beautiful women. He once called me ugly himself.

"Is there something else bothering you?", he probes further and wipes the stray tear away.

"You saw the pictures and videos", I admit in a hush voice. 

"Does it bothers you that I saw them?", he demands slowly in a distant voice.

"Yes", I admit truthfully. "I didn't want you to see me like this."

"Why?"

I lift my eyes to look at him and notice the hurt look on his face. I don't know what else to say and just avert my gaze again.

"Talk to me baby", he pleads. "Pkease"

"I just didn't want you to see me like this", I repeat.

I wonder what must have gone through their mind when they saw me naked. Did they laugh at my body? Did he noticed all my imperfections and felt disgusted? Do I still disgust him?

"I'm going for a shower", I say aloud and pull my hand back when he tries to grab it again.

"Do you want me to wait in the bathroom?", he asks in concern.

"No", I blurt quickly with wide eyes. "I'll be fine."

I close the bathroom door quickly behind me and lean against it. Am I being too sensitive again? Or am I thinking too much and making everything about me?

Stefan just got home and I am unable to move past my traumas and overthinking. I just can't help it. I start crying silently when I no longer can handle my own emotions. I really have to work on myself but the real question I keep asking myself is whether I will be able to be with Stefan in every sense. I can't even stand the fact that he has seen me naked.