Teach me how to Love

Chapter 13

Laying in bed lights off no one around except Clay's overwhelming thoughts.

Has he ever been in love, his mind seems to wonder...

Clay had been married for five years and he tries to reason that there must have been some connection between them maybe during a time when there was no stress from their parents or teen pregnancy.

Yet, when he thinks back to those past years of his life he couldn't remember one moment where he'd truly looked her in the eyes and thought 'wow I'm so in love

This makes Clay question if he has ever truly been in love with someone. Of course, there were a few high school relationships and crushes here and there, but he doesn't recall a time he used the "L" word to any of them and truly meant it with his entire heart.

His marriage was pretty great at first. They both moved in together by the age of 18, bought a cat and even had a child nine months later, but then things started to deteriorate after Clay's diagnosis three years in. Words towards each other became vicious things were thrown, doors slammed, sleepless nights on the couch holding back tears that threatened to escape.

He was miserable motivation lacking within his career videos became less frequent and streams were non-existent for the longest time some might have thought he had died-

Most days Clay wished he did

The only thing that kept them together for that long was Tubbo, but even then things were destined to fall apart.

Clay lost himself through those years he became an unrecognizable mess broken a shattered glass of hurt.

3 Years Ago...

It was Tubbos first year of Junior kindergarten, Minecraft lunch bag in hand with a shining smile as Clay walked him into the colourful class. Young children screaming and laughing filled his ears. Clay remembers looking around feeling bad for the person in charge of these snot-filled ankle biters

Tubbo ran off towards a group of boys that seemed to have caught his attention leaving Clay standing alone, but that was until he saw him...

An average height male with fluffy brown hair a delicate smile formed perfectly on his pale white skin, Clay felt something deep inside himself turn; a feeling so unknown to him, but he shook his head shunning those feelings away far too quickly and walked back out his legs dragging across the tiled floor back home where Maria was waiting to continue their argument from last night.

And what Clay didn't know that night was how overpowering that small flutter felt as it grew into something more whether it be to his demise or salvation only time could tell.

Clay sat in the kitchen, his wife pointing and yelling, but the yells came from a distant place as Clay unwittingly imagined the man he saw just a few hours earlier. Maybe it was because he was different, made Clay feel something different.

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING CLAY?" a loud voice brought him back

"What?" He responds with his eyes readjust to meet the cold blue ones that glare right in his soul, piercing it with sharp frozen icicles.

"OF COURSE YOU WEREN'T LISTENING YOU WERE TOO BUSY IN LA LA LAND TO EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO ME"

Clay turns away from her, fed up with the yelling and violence. "I'm going to Sapnap's," he declares, grabbing his jacket, keys, and phone. He rushes towards the door as Maria is constantly screaming dangerous words "Don't forget to pick up Tubbo"

10 months ago...

"Maybe it was just something you ate" A brown-haired boy suggest handing Clay a beer