The Secrets We Keep (CAMREN)

Chapter 19: HEART ATTACK

What the fuck have I just done? This whole thing was suppose to be about making Camila happy and then tell her about the Chris thing, but no I completely fucked it up. On top of that I tell her a complete lie that I have no way of taking back and is breaking my heart and hers in the process. 'Lauren you are a complete ass. How are you going to fix this now?' I have to do something but what? She's crying and wants me gone but I can't just leave her. I won't do it.

"Camila please listen to me" I say taking small steps towards her.

"Lauren you've said enough now get out before I call the cops" she says but I know she won't do it. If she wanted me out of here she would have done more than just yell and shout at me.

"I'm not leaving. I'm, I'm sorry. What-what I said about the Cece thing is a lie" I tell her swallowing my pride and hoping she decides to listen.

"I don't believe you. For the past 11 months you've treated me like shit and in 5 days that doesn't change" She says but she doesn't know the truth.

"Camila please just listen. I-I do want to be friends again. The-the Cece thing isn't true. On Wednesday I even ended up beating the shit out of her after school for what she did to you" I tell her praying she hears me out.

"You did?" she asks looking at me but I can tell she is still mad.

"Yes. And I-I don't really hate you. I-I hate myself." I tell her as I take a seat on her bed and look at her.

"And why is that?" She asks with attitude.

"I've fucked up so many times that I can't keep count of anymore. But the 2 things I hate the most about myself is that I'm being stupid and might lose my friend again. And the second thing is that I can't help but avoid things that I'm dying to tell her." I tell her putting my head in my hands.

"Well you won't loose your friend if you're honest with her" She says and I feel her sit next to me.

"The thing is that it isn't easy for me to tell her certain things that I'm still trying to figure out" I say sincerely.

"Then why not start small?" And when she says that I look at her and see that she isn't mad or angry anymore.

"I don't know where to start" I admit and as I tell her that I feel her lean in and kiss me. When she pulled away we looked at each other and she smiles shyly.

"Well then I guess I'll start I think I like you as more than a friend" she says and my eyes go wide.

Camila's POV

I admit I was extremely angry with Lauren for what she told me and I wanted her away from me but when she said she hated herself for loosing me and for what she had just told me, I couldn't help it. I've never seen Lauren like this not knowing what to do and not knowing how to handle a certain situation.

When she said she didn't know where to start I decided to take a risk and do what I was feeling. After I pulled away from her I knew I couldn't just stay quiet, so I told her what has been on my mind since last night in the hide out. The expression on her face told me everything, but I wanted her to tell me.

"Lauren say something please" I plead with her.

"I-I, are you sure?" She asks and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"I don't know how to explain it but yes. I think I like you as more than a friend" I tell her with all honestyx

"But-but you have Chris" she says and as she mentions him I think about what he almost did to me last night.

"Chris is great but after last night I realized that I really don't know him and I just can't look at him the same" I answer her.

"Camila you-you're confused. Ok nothing more" she argues and I feel a pain in my chest. Is she really trying to push me away and towards her brother? The guy she wanted to murder last night and this morning.

"Lauren don't do this. Just 10 minutes ago you told me you are in love with me" I tell her and I can tell I hit a touchy subject.

"And that was a mistake. Forget I ever said it. You are with Chris and that's it. Just forget about me being in love with you and you liking me. It can't happen ok? We are just going to work towards being friends nothing more, and it has to stay that way" She says and the pain in my chest gets worst.

"Why are you doing this? I'm telling you that I like you as more than a friend and you're pushing me away" I yell.

"You don't get it ok, and you probably won't so just please drop it" she pleads but I won't back down I know that there is something she isn't telling me.

"Tell me why, for once Lauren be honest with me and tell me why you are pushing me away again and towards your brother; who I must remind you, that you wanted dead this morning." I say as I grab her face and make her look at me.

"It's complicated ok" she says getting out of my grip and standing up.

"Then uncomplicated it!" I shout getting up as well and facing her.

"Fine you want the reason, it's because I can't be in love with you. You're Chris' girlfriend, you were my best friend. On top of that I'm the new definition of bad around here. You said it yourself I'm the bitch of Miami. I can't allow myself to fall in love with you but I did any way and the worst part about it is I didn't want to, because I knew that if I did I'd die of a heart attack every fucking day I'm around you. I can't deal with that and I'm not going to be the cause of my brother's heart being broken" she says then falls to the ground crying.

As her words replay in my head it clicked. Lauren wasn't cold with me because she hated me these past 11 months. She acted like that to try and push me away because she loves me, and as I look at her crying I realize something else. I wasn't just trying to fix things to get my best friend back; I was doing it because in a strange way I'm in love with her too.