All The Kings Men

Chapter 13 Queens Tboughts

The sun was leaking through my currents but I could not bring myself to move. Infact I had slept with my legs up. I was not willing to let any of his semen escape me. This had to work. Not because of my dire situation to become pregnant. Of course I longed for a child. To secure our rule and my life. But I could not go through that ceremony again. Master Fredrick said he would stay until
It worked. That it often took several months. But I think I would jump off my Balcony if I had to endure watching my husband lay with another man.

It was not that I was sickened by what he is. I love him. And when you love someone you accept every part of them, even their demons. You make sacrifices for their happiness. It was the fact that I was raging with jealousy. I surly thought knowing it was not my fault for our lack of bed life would ease me but it brought on a whole different set of emotions. I LOVED him. Yes it was an arranged marriage but he was kind and handsome and every action he placed on me was loving. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks that I would NEVER be able to satisfy him. I would never be what he wanted/needed. No amount of bathing or curly my hair or putting on sexy dresses would ever be able to fulfill him. The only thing I could give him that a man couldn't was a child. So this had to work.

My mind wondered to what would happen after I fulfilled my duties. Would he kill me? Would he isolate me ? Was our entire relationship nothing to him ? Could I be anything to him beyond the mother of his children ? I sighed, my heart heavy with the reality of my situation.

A knock at my door forced me out of the position. I wobbled, as my legs had fallen asleep. Open it I squinted to see from the brightness of the hallway. It was Elly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry my queen. I did not know you would still be asleep at this hour." Elly said timidly.

I glanced to the windows in the hallway. The sun was high in the sky indicating it was almost noon. "No I've been awake for awhile, I just lost track of time. Please come in."

"Let me ring your some dinner. Surly you are starving." Elly turned and motioned to one of the nearby maids. They nodded and took off down the hall

"Thank you, please come in." I said taking her hand and leading her into my sitting area. A maid pulled back the curtains giving the room a burst of light. I blinked blinded by it.

"I had come looking for Hannah. I can not find her anywhere." Elly said watching the maid zip around the room preparing it for the rest of the day.

"Oh? I guess I haven't spoken with her in quite some time..or you. I am so terribly sorry." I said tearing up.

She patted my hand. "We know you are under an absorbent amount of stress right now."

"If only I could tell you everything....." I said under my breath.

"I wish you would confide in me." She sighed, "that is why we left our homes. That is why we are here to be your strength."

"And yet you were put through so much more that I will never forgive myself for." I sighed shaking my head.

"It need not matter now." Elly tried to reassure me, "I dare ask if you have found us any prospects? Our family's grow more and more impatient. We have younger siblings..."

"I will make it my immediate priority." I stiffen up snapping out of my grief. "We will have a ball this weekend. All the eligible men will attend."

"Really?!" Elly smiled bigger then I'd seen since her arrival.

"Of course." I replied. Happy for a welcomed distraction. "You are my priority and I am ashamed it's taken me this long to think of it. I will let king Silas know, in the mean time you must go down to the dress maker and get them started on exactly what you want. Do not worry about the expense I will cover it."

She through her arms around me. "Oh praise my queen! Thank you ! I will go straight there !" She jumped up and dashed out of the room, her eyes wide with excitement. I couldn't help but laugh watching after her.

My heart sank as I watched My king enter just as Elly left. His face looked worried and he approached me slowly. "I was not trying to ease drop I just did not realIze you weren't alone. A ball sounds like a splendid idea. I could never make up for what my father has done to those poor women but I will surly fix it. I will let the servants know right away to bring out all our finest food and decor. It shall be a grand celebration."

"Thank you." Was all I could get out of my dry lips.

He glanced down to my night gown, "have you just gotten up for the day ?" I nodded in response and he sighed rubbing the back of his head. "I wanted to check on you....to make sure you were alright after last nights....events."

I stared at him for a long moment unsure what to say. Was I alright ? How do I even begin to ask my husband what our arrangement now was. "I am just happy to be assisting you in your needs."

His face turned to a pained look. Did I say the wrong thing ? He passed the room several times open and closing his mouth. Whatever was on his mind he didn't not feel comfortable saying it. He could not find the words. My heart sank trying to think of what they might be. I longed to reach out to him. To tell him I did not see him any different, that I still loved him. But he exited the room before I had a chance.