Eli Borrelli

56: Changes

"I actually always knew, I would take the mask off at some point. It's harder to make a difference in the world if the people don't even know your face," I said. 

"So you want to make a change?"

"Yeah, I've been through a lot of shit, and if I don't help others or keep those people from hurting more people, then what's the point? What did I do all that for?" I shrugged. 

I had thought about it a lot, why I was fighting. I guess, I really had to in order to keep going. I came to the decision, that I had gone through a lot of shit, that no one should ever have to go through, and I couldn't fix that anymore, but if I could help at least one person before I died, it would be worth it. If I don't do something with the life I fought so hard to have, then what was the point of it all? Why would I go through all that shit and still try to survive, if I wasn't going to do anything with it? I was going to fucking survive, and I was going to help at least one person while doing so. 

"Do you want to share, what those things are, that you've gone through," the woman carefully asked.

"I'm a victim of conversion therapy and domestic abuse," I said not even thinking about it.

My therapist made me say that like a mantra when I wouldn't believe it. I wasn't going to admit, that those things had actually happened to me, and I still wasn't anywhere near that point, but I was getting better. I felt tears form at the corners of my eyes but quickly pulled them away.

I made the decision, to work with HRC to launch a new campaign against conversion therapy in the US and to support LGBTG+ youth with counseling, safe spaces, and even a program, that would help young people start a new life away from abusive families. 

I did a bunch of concerts to support our work and we were even talking about a tour. I also did a show for the Trevor Project, which got a lot of publicity, and even more organizations started contacting my agent.

"You are absolutely not going on tour," Alessandro said crossing his arms.

"Come on! You know how much this shit means to me, and you know how much good I can do!" I tried to plead, but my brother stayed cold-faced.

I knew I was just a seventeen-year-old kid, with a shit ton of problems, but I seriously couldn't wait. I wanted to start making that change when I was given the chance. Who knew, if I would still have that in a few years?

"What happens if you get an attack or something, and you are on the other side of the world?" Lorenzo asked. He wasn't so forwardly against the whole idea, but anyone could see how uneasy it made him.

"Then I'll deal with it, I did that for years!" I exclaimed.

"We know, but you don't have to do that on your own anymore," Gabriele added.

"Your health has been going up and down like a rollercoaster, so I don't think going on a tour would be the best option. What if you get another relapse?" Matteo pointed out.

I knew they were right, but it was so annoying. I had the chance to do something good, to make a difference, and I wasn't going to give that up so easily.

"Can't you see how good this could be? How many people could be affected by this? This isn't about me anymore, it's about all the lives I could help," I basically begged.

"But it is about you! At least for us, it is. Your health and wellbeing, is everything, that matters, and we are not going to risk it for anything," Sandro said with a stern look.