Prototype≫GoldenBlackHawk

.22

Years have passed and I still reflect on those horrendous months of my life.

I can still recall the very pain that filled my body and the sheer terror that flowed through my veins. I can feel the sweat on my brow and recall the amount of pain I wished to inflict on myself for not saving them everyday of my life.

I don't feel any of that everyday though, and there's only one person who stops me from feeling it almost every single time; they did then and they do now.

Jenna

She was the one who constantly kept me going even though I longed to give in to my pain, and end the to torture. She was the one I continued to get out of bed for, and the reason why I dared to walk this earth any longer. Although I no longer blamed myself (vocally) and I still would if Jenna hadn't helped me recover.

It was all because of her.

All of the wild crazy things that have happened were because of one girl who dared to feel, and I was glad. If it weren't for Jenna yes the others may be alive, but I also wouldn't be nearly as happy. It sounds selfish to say I'd rather have Jenna; she makes me feel so alive like I'm flying, and she indeed does take me higher than I've ever been. Jenna had shown me that I was alive starting with the day she batted her innocent eyes in my direction, and she made me feel that way. Slowly she'd become a tear in my heart that made me vulnerable, but also insanely happy.

It all reminded me of the words one man once told me. That man was Jordan Matthewson, the leader of our troop, and those words were, "emotions are fragile things that tend to destroy us humans". In a sense those words were true, but he made them sound like wretched things that never did any good.

Emotions and feelings do destroy humans and make us vulnerable. That could just be what happened to our troop because Jenna's feelings weren't the only ones to decide our fate. Us humans also having feelings, but we cannot turn them off and that makes us vulnerable and sometimes irrational just like Jordan had been before the mission. Jenna's feelings didn't decide it, the rest of the troops did.

Emotions are butchers that wear deceiving smiles, and carve away at you until there's nothing left, and yes although they can be wicked, feeling can also be the most delightful thing you've ever experienced. Feelings can take you to cloud nine with a simple smile, and can make you fall so hard for someone you feel like you're drowning in them. Feelings can make you devote all your attention to a single being and look at them as if they're the only person in this entire damn world that matters and it's beautiful.

Jenna made me feel alive, and there was no doubt in my mind she was the one for me no matter what she was classified as. It took loads of pain and nights staying up crying with a tight chest to get it, but I finally do. You pay for those happy emotions, and all the bad that happens adds up and eventually becomes good. So while you maybe be vulnerable like Jordan said, you're going to find you're way back to your feet which the part he left out. That euphoria will eventually find you.

I lost my four best friends in combat, but that was payment for the years and years of happiness with Jenna.

It killed me to think about it that way, but it was the truth. Sure there's been rough points but there's been almost nothing but happiness in the years after their death. I owe them all greatly for giving me that happiness.

I owe them all so much for allowing me to fall in love with the prototype, Jenna; the "robot" girl who wasn't ever supposed to feel.
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a/n
That ending was really cliche and I have no regrets. None. NONE.
I'm gonna post another "chapter" with facts about this and a deleted scene I almost put in here but didn't.

Song of the chapter is Tear In My Heart by (my rn) twenty|one|pilots.