His Queen

23. Soulmates

His arms dropped back to his side and he averted his eyes to look elsewhere. My hand grabbed onto his wrist, to make him face me once again.

There was no way I was going to let him avoid this topic again.

"Because I just can't. I can't ignore it anymore! I had to know why I feel the way I do. Where you don't have the control over your own emotions, and you ask yourself if it's just all in your head or wonder if you're going crazy!" My voice was higher than normal, but I wanted to get my point across.

That I was tired of fighting this just as much as him.

"You're not going crazy. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but it's all very much real. Fate has a fucked up way of showing me the mirror every once in a while, to show me everything that I'm not worthy of. I didn't tell you because deep down I knew. I knew that I didn't deserve you."

His words cut sharp. How much torment and heartache do you have to experience to conclude you are not worthy of an ounce of joy?

"What makes you say that?"

"That I don't deserve you?" He asked as if it was the most obvious fact ever, "I don't know, do you not know who I am? If you had seen the things that I've done you wouldn't be asking me that question. And I'm not even talking about what I've done to you. Don't tell me you forgot all about the misery and the pain I've caused you?"

"No I haven't. Of course I remember, it's the only thing I wanted to remember for the past few months. To remind myself that there is only one person who's responsible for ruining my life. You think I haven't tried to shake off this feeling just like you have? When I even have every reason to."

Not wanting to be close to him anymore, I took a step back and pulled the coat around me, crossing my arms. My vision blurred as I thought about everything that I have lost and everything that he had taken away from me. Then suddenly, he's not the one wondering if he even deserves me.

"To this day, when I close my eyes all I see are the dark, lonely walls of the dungeons. And when I open them, I'm brought back into a reality that's not much different. Except this time, it's loneliness in broad daylight, standing in the middle of a crowded cafe."

My mind drifted to my lifestyle back in the human world. Wake up, sit through lectures, go to work, then come home to an empty apartment.

Nobody to ask me how my day was or if I was hungry, or if I wanted to do something fun for the night.

Just me, alone with my thoughts of him.

"So yes, I remember everything. The pain and the misery. Because even though I'm free, I'm still living with it," I told him, my lips almost trembling and barely able to form the words.

"But when I'm with you, I'm not so consumed by that darkness and the loneliness. For once, my mind isn't racing thinking about the past, when I am with you all I care about is the present and what the future holds. When I should be planning my revenge against you; but instead I find myself taking care of you as you lay there, wounded. Wishing that you would just wake up even though you were the reason I spent days and nights doing nothing but sleeping."

Damien stepped closer, his hand reaching out to make sure I was okay, but I took another back. I knew he was able to sympathize with me and felt sorry for putting me through it. But no matter how many times he apologized, his sorry's weren't going to bring back my stolen childhood.

"Where was this concern then? Where was the mate bond then?" I asked him.

He was bewildered by the swarm of my questions.

"I don't have words to describe how sorry I am, but I will spend the rest of my life trying to give you everything that I ever snatched from you, make up for all the pain that I have caused," he promised me.