DOMINO - Eustass Kid x Reader

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Brotherly Lovebomb

Iceberg: "Hello, (Y/N), it's Iceberg. How are you? Long time no talk."

(Y/N): "Hey! I miss you, Bergy! Paulie's being mean to me again."

Iceberg: "I actually came over to see what all the yelling was about. You know he's just worried about you, (Y/N). He misses you a lot."

(Y/N): "I miss him too, but I don't miss the love bombing or the lectures. Anyway, enough about Grandpaulie. How have you been? I haven't spoken to you since before you got shot."

Iceberg: "Oh, I'm doing great, thank you. I don't like to dwell on the past, but I did gain a new friend just prior to that event. My dear little mouse, Tyrannosaurus."

(Y/N): "Oh my god, is he with you?! Can I please speak to the baby?!"

Iceberg: "Sure. Tyrannosaurus, say hello to Paulie's sister, (Y/N)."

Tyrannosaurus: [Various Mouse Sounds]

(Y/N): "I would die for you, Tyrannosaurus. You hear me? I would die for you."

Iceberg: "He thanks you for your devotion. Oh, Paulie's back. I'll hand you back ove-"

(Y/N): "Wait! Quickly, before you go, hold the receiver to your butt for a second."

Iceberg: "Um...alright?

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"....Did you just slap your transponder snail?"

(Y/N): "Who, me? Nonsense. Anyway, bye, Bergy! Miss you!"

Paulie: "You're one sick unit, you know that?"

(Y/N): "You refused to do the one thing I begged you to do for me, so I took matters into my own hands."

Paulie: "Whatever...Look, do you promise me that these men you're with aren't dangerous? I worry enough as it is, but I won't be able to sleep at night if there's any chance you're at risk...

(Y/N): "Paulie, I promise you, they pose no danger to me. Honestly, I was sceptical at first too, but when we met there was just a little misunderstanding. We're thick as thieves now."

Paulie: "I hope to high heavens that your choice of terminology isn't literal. I would like to think that your felony days are long over."

(Y/N): "Aw, are you still mad that I locked your festival date in the boat shed all those years ago?"

Paulie: "They didn't find her for two whole days!"

(Y/N): "Good! She was gonna push you into the canal and make a fool out of you! Heard it straight from her prissy little mouth! You should thank me. I saved you from what very well could've been your villain origin story."

Paulie: "You really need to grow up, (Y/N)."

(Y/N): "You really need to get laid, Paulster. Hey, have you guys heard from Swanky Franky since he left with those Strawhat pirates?"

Paulie: "No, but I'm sure you saw the papers. Something happened at Sabaody Archipelago and it seems like they disbanded. I'm not sure, though. That Strawhat Luffy made quite the scene at Marineford after the war, so I'm putting my bets on a reunion sometime soon."

(Y/N): "Yeah, I'm with ya on that. I wonder if his little Frankletts ever recovered from that vice grip you said they suffered the day he left?"

Paulie: "Can we not talk about Franky's balls, please?"

(Y/N): "But they make for wonderful conversation."

Paulie: "You mentioned one of these men you're sailing with made you clothes...They're modest, right? I don't want you strutting around on a testosterone fuelled ship looking like a harlot with your legs and stomach showing..."

(Y/N): "Awwww, but Paulieeeee, fur bikinis are all the rage right now!"

Paulie: "....Send me your exact coordinates. I'm coming to pick you up."

(Y/N): "Did you, like, drop your sense of humour in the toilet or something when you took a dump? I'm not dressed like a slut. I promise. This is why you're single. You know that, right? You literally passed out when you had to carve a topless figurehead for a ship commission. It's sad, man."

Paulie: "I passed out from heat stroke, I'll have you know!"

(Y/N): "It was the middle of winter."

Paulie: "Shut up! .......Ma and Pa miss you, y'know? You really should give them a call sometime..."

(Y/N): "What, so Mama can sob and wail about how her little princess broke her heart by leaving? Or so Papa can lecture me about not taking a husband yet? I'll pass. Just tell them I'm thriving like the bad bitch I was meant to be."

Paulie: "You're impossible...Look, they're our parents, (Y/N). They love you, unconditionally. You're blowing things way out of proportion."

(Y/N): Oh, I'm sorry, do you forget how they used to force me to wear froofy dresses to my ankles, and bows in my hair, every time I walked out the door? How seven times a year Mama paraded me in front of judges to score me on how pretty I was? You've obviously forgotten how Papa tried to marry me off to that greasy little shit weasel Kaku? Remember? The one who literally tried to murder you and Iceberg?!"

Paulie: ".....Okay, I'm sorry. I'll stop pushing you to talk to them..."

(Y/N): "Pauls, I love you. I keep in contact with you because, as annoyingly overprotective as you are, you were always somewhat on my side. You're the one thing I miss about home, and yeah, maybe one day I'll be ready to deal with Mama and Papa again, but right now, I'm living my life how I wanna live it. Can you trust me?"

Paulie: "Fine, (Y/N)...I'll trust you. Just...please, stay in steady contact, okay? Every time I don't hear from you for several weeks I start thinking that maybe you've gotten hurt, or been left in some ditch somewhere..."

(Y/N): "I'll call you as often as I can, I promise. Hey, maybe sometime soon you can make a trip to The New World, to see me? We can have our own double trouble sibling adventure!"

Paulie: "Wait, The New World?! You never said you were going that far!"

Kid [In the Background]: "Oi, Bitch, wrap it up! I want your shrimpy ass out on deck in two minutes!"

(Y/N): "Aye aye, asshole! Sorry, Paulie, I gotta run, but I'll call you real soon, yeah?"

Paulie: "Wait, who the hell was that?! Why did they call you a bitch?! Nobody talks to my little sister like that!"

(Y/N): "Oh, that was just my pimp. I'm late for the daily twelve on one orgy. Love you, Paulie-poo! Bye!"

Paulie: "DON'T YOU DARE HANG UP THE SNAIL, (Y/N)! WHO THE HELL WA-"

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***Currently taking donations to get Paulie the therapist he deserves.

If people like this chapter I may sprinkle a few Paulie call chapters through the story. I just love him so much, okay?

At work today some man came in and asked if we had any Star Trek pop vinyls, then proceeded to rant to me about how Star Wars apparently promotes global warming and climate destruction. Like, Sir, please, I need to serve like 10 other customers who are obviously trying to find Stranger Things merch that we ran out of.

Next Time: Make Me Proud***