Fools in Love

17- Sam

"I know. You don't have to keep apologizing." And I didn't know if what Noah said next was true, but it was like a weight off my shoulders when he said, "I forgive you. Okay? So, stop beating yourself up over it. Some things aren't meant to be and now I realize we were one of those things," Noah softly, but his voice went ragged towards the end.

And that was the hardest pill to swallow.

"I'll take you to your dorm," Noah said and I could only nod.

The drive was back to being excruciatingly silent. But worst of all was when we reached my building and Noah spoke. He cleared his throat first, getting my attention before I opened the door. He anxiously drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, took a deep breath, then faced me.

"Obviously I still have... feelings for you," he cringed at his own words as if that was embarrassing. As if I didn't kiss him back. "So we... I just think it'll be best for us not to talk to each other outside of class, or even in class."

I nodded in agreement, swallowing the lump in my throat and stepped out of his car. I couldn't look back and watch him drive away, so I held my head high and went into my building.

I sighed when I reached my dorm, unlocking the door and stepping in with my head down.

"There you are."

I looked up, startled to find my boyfriend in my dorm, "Ben, what are you doing here?"

And then I was pulled into a hug. "We haven't seen each other all week, it was like you were M.I.A."

I wrapped my arms around him and breathed in his comforting scent. "How'd you get in?"

We pulled back and I let Ben drag me to my bed. "Kai let me in and he just left to go to his girlfriend's, so... we have all night," he grinned before leaning in to kiss me. I kissed him back, my hand laying softly on his cheek.

Guilt. Guilt, guilt, guilt. I couldn't even kiss him for long before I pulled back. But I couldn't face him, so I leaned my head against his chest.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

God, I hated myself. "I'm sorry," I said with a sniffle, but I willed myself not to cry again.

Ben's hands cupped my face. "Why are you saying sorry?"

I grabbed the hands that were on my face and brought them to my lap. "Noah kissed me and I... I let him," Ben slipped his hand out from mine and stood up. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Ben," I spoke in a rush and stood up as well. "I stopped it it, but it shouldn't have happened," I tried placing my hand on his cheek, but he flinched away. "I'm sorry," I repeated.

Ben wouldn't look at me, just stood in silence with his arms crossed while he thought. "You only kissed?"

"Only kissed," I confirmed.

"And you pushed him away?"

I stepped closer to Ben. "Yes, and I told him I want to be with you. I wouldn't have told you about this if you weren't so important to me."

"Just... don't do it again," Ben said as if my actions were as simple as me scribbling on the walls with marker.

That's it? Don't do it again? "You're... not breaking up with me?" I questioned because him forgiving me just like that seemed surreal. Shouldn't he be storming out and telling me to fuck off? I mean, I cheated on him, that's a valid reason for storming out and ending us.

"No, I love you. I'm upset, but you broke it off and you want to be with me. So I forgive you, now let's just forget about it. But you can't talk to him or even see him anymore."

"He's in my-"

"I know he's in your class, but you're not allowed to talk to him. And outside of class, you're not allowed to see him either." For some reason the way he worded that didn't sit well with me and that was when I remembered Kai telling me that he thought my boyfriend was controlling and sexist.

But then again maybe Ben had a right to tell me not to see Noah after what I did. So I said, "I won't." And Ben really acted like nothing happened after that, even seemed a bit more affectionate than usual towards me that night. It honestly left me confused. Maybe I was just too used to getting broken up with that this was throwing me off.

I was thankful Ben forgave me, but the uneasiness in my stomach that night left me so lost on my feelings. But I made a promise and I planned to keep my word on not seeing Noah.

Which proved to be way more harder than I thought.

**

Sam and his feelings smh

I just couldn't wait until Sunday! There's so much to come! Thank you for reading!!

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-Xoxo, Bert