Decision | Damianya (Spy X Family)

Chapter 06 - The Truth

Sitting on the edge of my bed, I look at my hands.

Loid Forger is beside me, looking down.

He has just told me everything. And he hasn't omitted any details.

He told me about when he was a spy, and was called to execute Operation Strix.

He told me that to make it work, he would need to have a fake daughter and wife.

He told me how Anya, who supposedly knew nothing about it, was used to get close to me at Eden Academy and who knows, get in contact with my father.

My father...

Loid told me about who he really was, his real intentions.

And his will to start a war.

I finally saw his true face. And it revealed a terrible human being.

How my heart was troubled to hear about him...

The "great" Donovan Desmond, the man who I for so long begged for crumbs of care and attention, was himself fed by blind greed.

What was the use of all this, father? Look where you're now...

As incredible as it may seem, the ultimate goal of Operation Strix was, indeed, to bring world peace.

And that, thanks to the efforts of everyone in the Intelligence Service, the mission was a success, despite what happened to my father.

But nothing would have worked out if it wasn't for a certain person... Anya.

In the end, Anya was, in fact, the great hero of this mission.

Oh, Loid also told me about her "powers".

He told me about how he ended up discovering that she was, in fact, a lab experiment. A guinea pig, used to become a weapon of war with her skills in the future.

And that, just like me, Loid also got shocked when he found out Anya could read minds, not being able to prevent me from laughing a little at the funny situations he told me about when she was a child and used her powers.

Loid also said that his wife was an assassin in the past, hired to eliminate traitors. And today, because of the peace, she no longer has to get blood in her hands. Today, Yor is free.

I believe that, due to Loid being an older person and certainly having more experience in life, his words seemed to want to make some sense in my mind. Also, the fact that I now was way calmer (although still shaken), may have contributed on making me at least allow him to come into my bedroom when he knocked on that door, and tell me everything.

I look at the clock and see that it's been about two hours since he got here.

When Loid finally finishes talking, we remain in silence for a long time, each of us wondering among our own thoughts.

"So..." I start to say, slowly, "Anya was really telling me the truth...?" I don't know if I asked a question or said a statement, but I needed to say it out loud, as if the act of verbalizing those words would make them more real.

"Yes..." Loid nods, looking at the floor.

I bite my lip and I feel an affliction rise in my chest, and I end up grabbing my pajama shirt tightly.

In my mind's eye, I remember how Anya was scared of me, when she told me all that on our graduation night. I remember her despair and agony, trying to explain everything to me. I remember how I left her alone, in that garden...

Loid notices how I am. He squeezes my shoulder lightly.

"For many years, Anya bore the weight of Operation Strix, practically alone... When she was just a child..." Loid lets out a big sigh, "The weight of world peace... And I had no idea about it..."

I look at him, downcast. I notice that Loid's eyes are welling up. He continues:

"Anya suffered so much... And I believe that I caused her a lot of pain too... I also used her to run the Operation, and when I look back today and realize what I forced an innocent child to do, I feel like a monster... Of the worst possible kind..."

He expires.

"Deep down... She was just a little girl who wanted a family that loved her," Loid looks at me, "just like you, Damian."

I feel a pang in my heart. During all this time of living together, Anya and I focused so much on our differences, that we ended up not realizing that our greatest similarity was reflected in the other's deepest pain?

"You know..." Loid continues, looking tired, "During all these years as a spy, while executing this mission, I could see how much you wanted your father's love, am I wrong?"

I press my lips together and swallow hard, averting his eyes. Slowly, I nod.

"I became a spy precisely to make children not suffer from wars anymore," he squeezes my shoulder a little harder. "It's interesting because, as I saw the difficult situation you went through with your father, it also became a great boost to make me dedicate myself to this mission. Do not ever think I enjoyed watching you suffer."

A big lump forms in my throat and my eyes start to burn.

I feel an immense urge to cry.

It's as if a feeling of a childish neediness has taken over my being.

Somehow, seeing Loid there by my side, being so kind and even showing care towards me, brought at least a little comfort to me.

We stay in silence for a few seconds and then, Loid stands up.

"I don't blame Anya for falling in love with you, after all, I also fell in love with Yor," he gives me a sad smile. "My daughter and I, while we were successful in the mission, we failed in a part of it... We fell in love with the enemy... We were caught by our weakest side, the heart."

I can't help but smile back at him and I think of Anya.

Loid then rubs his hands together and runs them over his face, taking a deep breath.

"I hope that one day, you can forgive us for everything we've done. Not that I regret what I did for world peace, but that we used you, and most of all, for all the pain we ended up causing you."

I stay downcast, feeling a mix of emotions fill my chest.

Loid heads towards the door. He holds the doorknob and before leaving, turns around and says:

"I know it's hard, but the only thing I ask you is to consider everything I've told you. Because of all people, I believe you're the one who can understand Anya's side the most. Everything she did was out of love."

My jaw trembles at Loid's words. I swallow a bitter saliva. He also has a downcast expression, and before finally leaving, he concludes:

"You can still be part of our family, Damian. You just need to make a decision."

And he left, closing the door behind him, leaving me in that room with the responsibility of making what would definitely be the most important decision of my life.