As if I were a King on his cloak, I don my Imperial Scholar cape.
As if I were a Commander of the Army, I attach not one, but eight Stella Stars to my uniform.
As if I were the most powerful man in the world, I stare at myself in the single mirror of my bedroom, with a bold expression.
"I did it," I think. My jaw trembles.
I take the small scepter the Imperial Scholars use and hit it against my chest.
"I did it," now I say it aloud, hearing the haughty tone that comes out of my throat.
But... Why do I feel my heart so downcast?
Once again, I hit the scepter against my chest. I want to take this feeling out, even if it's by force.
I start hitting myself harder.
And harder...
I feel the ebony wood of that scepter against my bones. It hurts.
Oh, how much it hurts...
The pain that tears me apart now does not come from my flesh, it comes from my heart.
Why are you so downcast?
I want to look to my side, to the portrait that rests on my bedside table, because I know the answer to my question is there.
A shiver runs through my body and I turn my head to face my disgrace.
There it is.
The one that insists on showing me how alone I am: the photograph of the first day of school, taken thirteen years ago.
Like all the other kids, I'm there.
Like all the other kids, I'm dressed in uniform.
Like all the other kids, I'm looking at the camera.
But unlike them, I am alone; Standing in a corner, not showing any expression.
Reluctantly, I end up taking the portrait in my hands to face my child self.
I've never seen eyes as lifeless as those.
Slowly, I face my grown-up self in the mirror one more time, only to see that nothing has changed.
I began my studies at Eden Academy without my father's presence.
Now I finish them, and he's still not here with me.
And he never will be.
Just as I was alone on the first day of school, I will also be on the last.
As I conclude this thought, I look at the photograph again. A self-pity feeling takes hold of my heart. Before I could stop it, a tear burns my face like fire.
Like it already happened dozens of other times, in a fit of fury, I throw the portrait against the wall of my bedroom, not worrying if I will wake up my next-door roommates with the noise of the glass that shatters into pieces.
I wanna scream. Scream at the top of my lungs.
"I HATE YOU!!!" was what I had in mind.
However, when I open my mouth, I notice that what comes out of it is a lament:
"Oh, father... Why did you abandon me?"
I sit on my bed and bury my face in my hands. I barely realize I'm grabbing my hair as I remember the worst day of my life. It's been two years since the voice of that frowning security guard in his sunglasses has never left my mind:
YOU ARE READING
Decision | Damianya (Spy X Family)
FanfictionAt nineteen years old, about to graduate from Eden Academy, Damian Desmond realizes he has to make a decision that could change the course of his future. However, secrets revealed from the past can shake this young man who, deep down, all his life...
