Paper Dolls

Chapter 7

Even if it isn't for me. 

"I'm fine. All's good." My answer is cautious and full of mistrust. I barely know this boy who makes my heart beat like it's running for a marathon. For all I know he could be a spy for Mr. Yang, ever ready to report should I slip up. 

Although I've never heard of a Kpop idol spy before but these days you just never know. 

Jiho frowns at the lift doors and it's obvious he doesn't buy a word I've said. The heat from his body is almost palpable as his shoulder brushes against mine again. We are so close, for a moment I forget that his members are in the lift with us. 

I know I should move a way but my feet stay glued to the floor. He's the one who came to me, why should I be the one to move away. Especially since I don't really want to. 

The lift doors open, breaking the moment between us and his members walk out first. 

"You know if you need to talk to someone, I'm here. I've been through this. I know how stressful it is." 

There are people in the lobby, Binna being one of them standing by the front desk. I don't want anyone to see us so I nod brusquely his way, my answer neither a yes or no. Our eyes meet for the briefest of seconds before I rush out of the lifts, away from him. 

Thankfully, none of the other trainees are here and no one notices our interaction. I don't look back even though I can hear his steady foot steps behind me. Jiho joins his members by the large sliding doors and I watch him leave the building and get into long black SUV. 

"What did Mr. Lee want?" Binna asks, breaking me from my reverie, all thoughts of the handsome and friendly idol evaporate as his car disappears from sight. 

"He warned me not to be late again," I summarise as we walk out into the cold night air. My damp shirt causes me to shiver and I wrap a scarf around myself, trying to keep warm.

On the ride back, I lean against the window thinking about how tough today has been and if tomorrow will only get tougher.

"You want to talk about it?" Binna bats her thick eyelashes at me, looking worried. After four years of friendship, the both of us know whenever one is down in the dumps but we never pressure each other for answers. 

It is our mutual understanding to give each other space to talk when ready and right now Binna stays silent, her company providing me more comfort than any words could.

"Do you sometimes wonder if you made a mistake?" I finally ask after a long stretch of silence, making her turn my way. "What if all of this isn't worth it? Isn't enough?" 

My thoughts travel down that familiar rabbit hole known as Dalia but no one knows the inner turmoil I've been experiencing ever since news of her death broke out. 

Except maybe the person who remains equally in denial. The person who sent the letter. 

Binna's fingers interlace with mine and she squeezes in reassurance. "I've had those doubts before but there's nothing else I can see myself doing. This is all I want. And we've worked so hard. We deserve a little happiness, right?" 

I blink at her, not knowing the answer to that anymore. Debuting used to equate to success and happiness beyond comprehension. Now I'm not so sure anymore. 

Which is why I can't stop thinking about the note in that stupid letter. And when we get home and JinJin throws the bundle of letters at my feet I almost leap at the sight. 

I grab the pile, ignoring the blatant jealousy on her face and rush to my room while Binna makes small talk with the other trainees. Some of the letters are opened making me wonder if JinJin and the rest went through them already.

I flip through each one, my heart racing a mile a minute but I don't find any black laced letters. Disappointment sinks in like a punch to the gut and now I really feel like the biggest fool on the planet for buying into someones idea of a cruel prank. 

I spread out the letters across my mattress, feeling demotivated and angry but then I see it. There is a single letter that stands out from the rest because of the pink netting that is glued to it's back in criss-cross patterns. 

Dalia wore an outfit with this exact material attached to her skirt in Sweet Poison's second song that became a chart topper. 

I grab the letter and notice it is already opened. The girls must have definitely read it and I pull the letter open, paralysed by the fear that they have read a message meant only for me. 

"Good luck for your training, Jina! Praying that you debut!" 

I release a sharp exhale after reading those placid words and my fingers traverse the length of the card. Sure enough there is something lodged between the layers of paper. 

The sound of paper rips and a small note falls to my lap, flattened and folded. 

I unfurl it, casting a cautious glance at the door ever so often and then I look at the small cursive words that form the second note from my mysterious 'fan'. 

Didn't hear about my note in the news. Does that mean I can trust you? My information is sensitive but I can assure you it is the truth.

My back hits the wall next to my bed and I stare blankly at the note in my hand. I don't know who this person is but one thing is for sure, I can't wait for the next letter. 

Hey another letter. Another mystery. Hope you guys are enjoying the story so far. Please vote/comment/share if you are and have a great day wherever you are :) :)