BEING YOURS

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

He led her to the dresser, sat her on the stool and prepared to dry her hair.

"Care to plait?" He sought as he fixed the dryer to the fuse.

She shook her head.

He began, being as gente as he could be. "Abba called to ask about you, he sends his greetings."

She gave him a ghost smile through the mirror.

"Care to go out today?"

She shook her head.

"Perhaps uh, even a walk around the house?"

She refused.

He blew out a silent breath. The usual.

He finished up and went to the wardrobe to get her something to wear. He browsed through the clothes to find her something she'd be comfortable with and not wanting her to refuse it - like she usually does, he took his time.

He's so focused in his search but just a little rough whisper got back his attention, every little scratch of it back to her.

But he didn't turn, he just stopped, waiting for it to come again cos it felt like a dream, it felt like he's just imagining it cos damn he's been praying for it for so long.

"Ali," She called and he shut his eyes for a beat, his fingers tightening around the fabric in his hand

He turned around to face her, slowly, and her eyes were on him, pinned.

"I asked you a question." She mumbled audibly.

The nervousness that took him over was one he hasn't felt in a very long time maybe forever. His belly twisted weirdly and if he's told he's scared of his wife at that moment, he wouldn't argue. Why does this have to be the first thing we're gonna talk about in weeks?

"Why weren't you there Ali?" Her whisper broke as her eyes turned glassy.

He slipped the cloth back into the wardrobe and took gentle steps towards her, her eyes following his every move.

He went on his knees before her, her eyes glued to his. For a second he didn't know what to say and he slipped his hands in hers, squeezed them a little. "I'm sorry."

"For what exactly huh?"

Ali bit gently on his lip, hung his head.

"I honestly didn't want us to talk about this but... it's too heavy. I need to let it out."

He sucked in a breath, still not able to say anything.

"It was upsetting, yes, but Ali why'd you just leave like that? I needed you more than anyone at that time. I wanted to hear it from you cos... it's so hard to believe and I knew more than anyone that you must've been heartbroken but you shouldn't have just left like that. You should've at least called and save me some distress. Even after I lost my father I needed you there, to cry to cos only you would understand how I felt but... you weren't there. I had that procedure and I knew you would've been disheartened to learn that I was losing the baby but was I happy about it? I needed you Ali I really did but... but you weren't there." She rasped, her face a mask of painful tears.

He thumbed her cheeks, his throat working. "I'm so sorry."

"It hurt Ali, it hurts so much to go through all that pain only to give birth to a dead child. She's already a tiny baby, the nurse picked her up and whispered to the doctor; she's not breathing, she's got no pulse." She wept bitterly.

Ali slid his fingers to the back of her neck, rest his forehead on hers. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"I'm still going through it Ali. I see my baby everytime I close my eyes, it calls to me everytime crying for help but I can't help it Ali, I can't reach it."