wishes | lee yubin

seventeen.

[5 years ago]

i hardly could stand up as i was leaving the small circle of people with the bottle in the middle. only a minute ago, a really embarrassing moment happened and i was happy i let all those faces behind.

my aim now was searching for the face i had so close to me, the face that showed me its true self in the most unexpected situation.

"where are you going?" soyeon tried to stop me. "don't search for her, there is no point for that. she probably needs to be alone for a while before she can talk to you. don't worry, she'll show up sooner or later."

soyeon's convincing words didn't have any effect on me. "sure," i looked her in the face. "i probably need some time for myself too. i'll go now."

it was hard to pretend i wasn't about to fall asleep in any minute. it was crazy how wine made me sleepy so fast. my eyes were closing without my permission, even with the loud music surrounding me.

"i'll be around so you can find me if you need someone," soyeon said and disappeared, although i knew she certainly kept an eye on me.

even though my vision was blurry, i registered a person in the circle looking directly at me. then this person stood up and suddenly was in front of me. i hated that in my drunken state, everything happened so fast and without my knowing.

"what the fuck was that?" asked the person in front of me, who happened to be yoohyeon.

"it was the game rule." i gave this fact as my defence. "i didn't do anything wrong."

"theoretically yes. but practically you totally failed."

"what was i supposed to do, huh? i didn't know she would be offended so easily, i didn't know she wouldn't let me kiss her, i didn't know we weren't that close to accept a friend's kiss, i didn't know i wasn't her best friend anymore," i blurted out, not noticing i almost mispronounced some words.

"in the first place, you shouldn't have let minji affect your friendship," pointed out yoohyeon.

she then left me there standing. i felt so empty like never before. my legs and hands were shaking and i foolishly blamed my mental state. "i fucked up," i repeated.

"you what?"

i gladly fell into minji's arms. those arms wrapped around me immediately and i finally sensed the relieve in my chest that i held in for so long.

"how much did you drink, stupid?" she asked. of course she could tell my state was in a critical situation right now.

"a lot to not to feel like shit," i replied with the lowest amount of confidence possible.

"oh, don't say that. come and sit here on the couch, look at one point on the floor if you feel dizzy. and if you need, there's toilet."

i did what she told me and spotted the door minji was pointing at. it was pretty far away from me, or at least my unstable vision told me so.

"thanks, minji."

"anytime," she smiled. "why are you so upset though? you're never upset when we drink, did something terrible happen?"

i was about to tell her but some little sober cell in my body convinced me to be careful and not to tell anybody who wasn't a witness, although everyone will know the next morning of course. it'd probably follow with a lot of questions and i wasn't in the mood to answer them.

"i missed you," i whispered as i turned my face to the floor.

"you're sweet." minji's small giggle ran through my ears. she shortly after kissed me on the top of my head and let go of my hand.

i waited a little, then i stood up and made my way to the toilet. all the demons, who had forced me to drink, had been cursed by now, no doubt.

my reflection in the mirror was awful. not only because half of my mascara painted the area under my eyes, but i also looked like an idiot trying to act normal. "i'm screwed up."

i put my finger under the tap, willing to fix the annoying mascara, knowing i'll make it worse in the end because of my clumsy ass. i was pressing my finger on my cheek, when suddenly someone opened the door and too late i realised i hadn't locked them.

"excuse me, i'm-"

it took me just a second (surprisingly) to notice who the person that had opened the door, really was.

"hum, it's you," yubin turned around and started to walk away, but i was convinced to ruin my whole appearance. it was more acceptable for me than not to take a chance to talk to yubin.

"yubin, i think we need to clarify some things." i interrupted her walking by holding her shoulder tightly.

"what things?" great, she made me feel like a total asshole again. "i guess there is nothing to talk about."

"hey, look, i'm sorry, okay? i've been with minji more often than with you because she's my girl now. and that is natural for a person to put the people they like on the first place."

"wait, you don't like me or what?"

goddamn this girl.

"of course i like you, yubin. i should've made it clear: relationship before friendship."

"i see," yubin nodded but still didn't look convinced. "as i think about it, you've got a point. but this relationship must be healthy and both of them should feel the same for each other. if not, then it loses the meaning of relationship and what's more, the belief in it."

it took me a lot to process that. even after she left, i was frozen in the corner of the room with a wallflower keeping me company. my dumb brain was so useless i could just throw it out the window. the only thing that came to my mind was that i never ever wanted to get drunk again. not until i find out what the hell is happening here.