wishes | lee yubin

six.

[present]

i remembered those days when the couch in the living room was occupied by many people. too many i couldn't count all of them and i probably had forgotten their names and faces and all the food they had liked and drinks they had preferred, how easily drunk some of them could've been and how many nights had they spent partying instead of thinking about future.

but after all, there was this girl i always saw in my mind whenever i sat alone in the room.

she hadn't drink anything unlike all our friends. she had eaten only cheese pizza and sweet potatoes when she had wanted a snack. any other girl would just look around in the kitchen in hopes to find a chocolate but not her. she had drunk a bottle of cola without a single drop of rum in it and had called it a day. she had been that kind of person who would've kept a cold face during an emotional heartbreaking scene but let others fell into her arms and comfort them. she had been sitting in the corner of the couch, on the other side of me and had stayed calm or led the conversation, nothing in between. sometimes i could've read what's on her mind and another time i hadn't been able to imagine the thoughts in her head. shortly saying, i had loved how she hadn't chosen the path others had been walking, she hadn't chosen any way. and that's what i had liked the most about her.

those were the memories i kept in mind and went back in time whenever i was too lonely or just needed a distraction.

and look how much we had grown. no more beer was staying on the table and no pizza boxes were occupying the cleaned floor.

it was the same situation, two girls sitting on the other side of the couch and sharing glances, although few years older and few more life situations wiser. i knew she remembered too. because these are memories too hard to forget.

"it's been a long time," she said softly. "i missed this room so much."

oh, right, a lot of things had happened in this room.

"hey, are you okay?" yubin asked as she moved closer to me. "should i go or is it alright for me to stay overnight?"

i didn't noticed i was spacing out until yubin shrugged with me. i was probably traveling through my memories for too long.

"what?" i say confused but then came back to the reality and felt a bit guilty for not paying attention. "yes, yes, it's alright, of course."

"are you sure?"

"i mean, i wouldn't ask you to stay if i didn't want you here."

we were talking about an hour now. i was glad to say that wasting time in the room with my favourite person and old friend was the best way to feel happiness in life.

of course, there came a time when we both agreed to get some sleep. we were facing each other's tired but smiling faces and how our eyes were closing with each movement of hour hand.

"it was so nice talking to you again," i told her as the whole day was repeating in front of me.

"i'm glad i found you again too," she smiled as the corners of her lips crawled up. "actually, i didn't think we would still find something between us that had made our friendship before. now i see i was wrong. probably even if we change, we still have the spark, just like the first time we created a strong bond."

"you're right," i agreed. and waited for her to say something more. but she didn't and we were left in a very comfortable silence that we had searched for the whole year.

without a word i took her hand and led her to my room where i used to sleep. i was planning to let her sleep there and i would sleep on the couch. i looked up to her for the last time before leaving her side.

"hey," i was almost out the door when she stopped me holding my wrist. "where do you think you're going?"

"i'm going to sleep." i turned around to a questioning face of yubin. "i think you should too, it's too late."

"where? in the living room? but we slept in one bed many times before, why today should be different? am i a stranger to you now?"

"no, you're not a stranger, i swear. but we need some space now," i found the strength of honesty in me. "you must be tired, i really think it's a good decision to sleep separately tonight."

"okay," she nodded. "but if you can't fall asleep, just come around and i bet there will be still some space for you."

"noted."

gosh, how could i resist being cuddled between those arms again? there was no place that would make me feel more comfortable.

i yawned while walking in the hallway. we stayed up too late, i wasn't use to it but the time was flowing too fast and i couldn't stop it. it was scary how i would give up my sleep just for a person i appreciated with all my heart.

i searched for a blanked in the wardrobe and as i found a white one covered with pictures of kittens, i laid down.

how much had changed and how much was about to change?

i had too many thoughts i couldn't write anything in my diary unless it was chaotic. but it'd perfectly describe today. i had started with a cup of coffee and a depressing morning that a long day had been ahead of me.

the start and the end were just two different parts that couldn't stand each other, yet they found a good way to think about everything that happens around us so deeply. to think about how a start can cause an end.