13 Reasons Why Hannah Baker Lived

Chapter 63: Justin's Funeral

Jessica Davis: No. No, I don't... I don't know if I can do any of this anymore. We're all supposed to just... keep waking up and putting on our clothes and carrying on conversations and listening to people while they talk about how God works in mysterious ways, and I just don't fucking know if I can do it anymore!

Hannah Baker: Jess, don't talk like that. That's how I felt 2 years ago. I don't want you going down the same path that I did.

Ani Achola: OK, I think this is the hardest thing that anyone could ever go through. But I also think you are a lot stronger than you realize.

Jessica Davis: He made me strong.

Ani Achola: No! You are. All on your own. Maybe you made each other stronger, but it's in you. I've seen it.

Hannah Baker: She's right. I've seen it, too.

Jessica Davis: (Chuckles Sadly) OK.

We walk Jessica to her seat right next to her dad. I go up to the front row with my family to say hello to the Jensens. Clay was glad to see my mom again as she comforted both Clay and his parents. Everyone was here as the funeral gets under way. We sit right behind the Jensens & Tony, who was here with Caleb. The pastor started the sermon as she talked about the tragedies that happened at Liberty.

Pastor: How did we get here? Again? We made a cruel world. My generation, my parents' generation. Too little caring. Too much hate, anger, and hurt. We talk a good game about protecting our children, but we leave too much on the table that might surely save their lives. Justin Foley died of a disease that, from its inception, thrives in silence. And there are a number of such diseases, a number of ills that thrive when we are silent about them. Because we let our fears, our shame, our twisted moral codes keep us in silence, as death stalks more children. I say, enough. Enough shifting blame. Enough pointing fingers. Enough confusing those who report the damage with those who cause it. Let us remember Justin for his accomplishments on the football field and the basketball court. Let us remember his smile that I am told melted a hundred hearts. But let's also remember his death with sorrow and determinationthat spur us... to action. Amen. 

That part that the pastor said about shifting blame & pointing fingers, that's what I've been doing to myself for a whole year. She was right. Enough. Enough shifting blame. Enough pointing fingers. I will remember Justin for his accomplishments in sports. And I will always remember his smile, his damn smile. The first to eulogize Justin is Alex.

Alex Standall: Um... I... I'm not sure I can do this. Uh... (Sighs) Um... Uh... I believe... (Stammering) I believe... I believe Justin Foley helped save my life. I didn't like him. And he didn't like me. But... when I needed him, he helped me. Um... Sorry, I'm...

Alex couldn't finish as he's about to break down. His dad gets up there and comforts Alex as he helps him down from the podium and back to his seat. After Alex, Zach was the next one to speak.

Zach Dempsey: Last time I was up here, I said I was my brother's keeper. That we all are. Even though I didn't live up to that. Justin hated running. Coach Kerba would make him do a mile, and he would bitch...

Oh, my god. I can't believe Zach said bitch in church. Everyone laughed at that.

Zach Dempsey: And complain... the whole time. Coach Kerba would tell him that pain is the feeling of weakness leaving the body. But we're all weak, I think. But we're trying to be stronger. And the pain that we are feeling today... is to remind us every day... to do better. To be better.

I was proud at Zach. He really got his act together since Justin's death. After Zach, others got up and spoke. Charlie, Tony, Coach Kerba, Scott Redd who came back for both the funeral & our graduation, Mrs. Jensen, & Ani. Clay & Jessica couldn't bring themselves to go up there and speak. So I got up there to talk about Justin Foley.

Hannah Baker: The first time I meet Justin Foley was 3 summers ago when I threw a party at my house for my friend Kat who was moving away. When I was introduced to him, he & Zach arrived on my front lawn when the sprinklers turned on and the 2 of them fell on the grass and started wrestling around.

That got a giggle out of both Clay & Zach as they remembered that memory as everyone else laugh.

Hannah Baker: I remember him smiling at me at my party. When school began, we... got friendly with each other. 1 day after school, I was walking with Clay when Zach puled up in his car with Justin. He offered me ride but I declined and got on the bus. Justin got out of Zach's car and followed me in.

Clay & Zach begin chuckling because they know what happened next.

Hannah Baker: Only thing... (Chuckles) I don't take the bus. He asked me for my number, I give it to him, then I leave the bus before the door closed and Justin was stuck inside as the bus took off.

Everyone laughs as I think back to that memory.

Hannah Baker: Later that day, he asked me out. We went on a date, and it was nice. Unfortunately, he messed up. He took a picture of me and showed it to Bryce. You all know what happened next. I hated him for it. But I've forgiven him for it. 2 Years ago, I tried taking my own life but I failed. I ended up in a coma for 5 months. When I woke up after 5 months, my friends caught me up with what happened to them when they listened to the tapes that I left behind. They told me how Justin tried to stop Clay from listening to all of them. Justin & Clay hated each other. Justin hated Clay because he kept asking questions and wanted to get me justice. Clay hated Justin for what he did to me & letting Bryce hurt Jessica. Eventually, Justin did the right thing and told Jessica the truth. He knew when he told Jessica that his life would be over and it did. Justin ran away. Justin was gone for 5 months. Then one day, Clay & Tony went searching for him because they knew that Justin was the only one who help both me & Jess out with Bryce. They found him on the street, homeless. They brought him home and saved him. They found out that he became hooked on drugs and they detoxed him with Sheri's help. Clay's parents found out that he was hiding Justin up in his room and welcomed him to their home, eventually adopting him into their family.

I look at the Jensens as they smile at me as they remember that moment.

Hannah Baker: Clay, Matt, Laine... you guys gave Justin a home, a family, & hope for the future. You guys really saved him. And Jessica...

I now look over to her as she had tears in her eyes as now I'm started to tear up.

Hannah Baker: I know you loved him. And he loved you. I want everyone to cherish every moment you've had with Justin Foley. And remember that he'll always be with you. Always and forever.

Justin, I know you're up there. I hope I did you proud. After I was finished, I went back to my seat as the Jensens look back at me and thank me. The funeral was over as everyone began to leave. I told my parents that I'm gonna be with my friends as they headed home. The Jensens had already left, but Clay stayed behind. He just sat there in front of Justin's casket. I go up to him and join him as I sit next to him. Now we're both looking at Justin's casket.

While both Clay & Hannah sit in front of Justin's casket, Jessica was talking with Zach.

Zach Dempsey: A few of us are going to Monet's.

Jessica Davis: I'm gonna head home, I think. I'm with my folks.

After Zach leaves, Jessica looks around as the church is now empty. But then she notice both Clay & Hannah sitting in the front row. She walks up to them as she sits next to Clay. Clay looks at both Hannah & Jessica as they both stick their hand out as Clay take both their hands. The 3 of them sit there as Hannah & Jessica each hold on to Clay's hands and just look at Justin's casket. They lean their heads next to Clay's shoulders as they mourn her friend, his brother, her boyfriend, their friend.