Redblaze's Regret {COMPLETE}

Chapter 22

 Redblaze stayed at the river long after the ThunderClan cats had left, thinking in silence. What was he supposed to do now? He wasn't sure he could show his face in the RiverClan camp right now, not after what he'd done. Would he be welcome? Right now, he didn't feel like much of a RiverClan cat at all. Clan cats didn't turn on each other like that, or try to rip each other's pelts off. Clan cats stuck together, looking out for each other, against everything bad in the forest. But instead of that, Redblaze had become the bad. With a sinking feeling, he realized he was the biggest danger to his Clanmates, not foxes or poisoned prey or curses.

Once again, Redblaze had the feeling that these thoughts had also passed through Minnowpaw's mind all those moons ago when she'd fled from camp. Had the two of them ended up in exactly the same position? Was StarClan trying to tell him something?

I wouldn't be surprised if she hadn't died, but rather chosen not to come back. Ashstar's voice sounded in Redblaze's mind and he remembered the conversation with his leader in the forest. I let my Clan fall apart; would you come back after that?

"No, I wouldn't," Redblaze whispered, voice cracking. "I almost destroyed my Clan. I don't deserve to go back." He looked up to the sky, which was bright pink as the leaf-fall sun began to set. Silverpelt was not out yet, but Redblaze sent a silent prayer to StarClan anyways. Help me, Flamepelt. What do I do now? But there was no answer except for the breeze rustling in the reeds. Redblaze had never felt so alone.

He walked slowly back to the RiverClan camp as darkness fell over the forest, dragging his paws the entire way. As much as going back felt wrong, he also didn't know what other choice he had. He would be a fish-brain to sleep out in the forest tonight. And his wounds, though no longer bleeding, stung and were sore. He needed to go see Nightwhisper and Silverheart, but...

Redblaze sighed. There was no way he could march into the medicine den and ask for them to take care of the wounds that he so badly deserved. He supposed it was only fair that he suffer through it.

The closer Redblaze got to the camp, the more anxious he became. He had no idea what he was doing, what he was supposed to do. Every part of him wanted to turn and run away, to get as far away from RiverClan as possible and wait for a solution to present itself. But the more he thought, the more he realized he was tired of running. Tawnyclaw had been right; he didn't want to spend his life angry and alone, running from his problems. Redblaze paused at the camp entrance, taking deep breaths to calm himself. It's time to be a warrior, he told himself. Grow up and face your mess head-on. With a deep inhale, Redblaze pushed through the ferns.

The camp was quiet. No cat was in the clearing, and Redblaze assumed they were all already in their dens, sleeping. He could hear faint murmuring from the medicine den and, as he padded farther into camp, he saw three shadowy figures inside: Nightwhisper, Silverheart, and Tawnyclaw. A new wave of guilt washed over him. He had forced Tawnyclaw to admit what was likely his deepest secret, his love for Silverheart. What would be the outcome of that?

Another movement caught Redblaze's eye and he flicked his gaze towards it. Birchclaw was padding into the clearing from the warriors' den, and upon seeing Redblaze his eyes narrowed and he turned towards Ashstar's den. Gulping, Redblaze watched Birchclaw's tail swishing behind him as he ducked halfway into their leader's den to mumble a few words, likely announcing Redblaze's return. For once, Redblaze actually felt nervous, awaiting what would happen next. He would love it if he could just curl up in his nest and start over at sunrise, like nothing had happened, but he knew he couldn't outrun the consequences, not this time. So, trying hard to control his breathing, he waited.

After what felt like an eternity, Birchclaw reemerged with Ashstar close behind him. Giving Redblaze one last look, Birchclaw silently headed back to the warrior's den, leaving Redblaze alone in the clearing with his leader.