Hating You to Love Me

7. Ashley

"I hate gentlemen." I retorted falling on my back, trying to create the distance I suddenly wanted. I needed air, it was getting too hot for me focus. I had no idea how we ended here when just a few minutes ago, I was dead tired and my abdomen hurt. It reminded me, and there I felt it, the ache.

"Trust me, I am not." He stated and he put that metal object inside his pocket as he got back in the standing position, staring down at me. He sighed. "You still don't feel like eating?" The topic shifted suddenly and It made me wonder, what was his real intent anyway.

I shook my head, getting up and noticed how my dress had crumbled on side, only covering my breasts due to my hold on it. I gasped and pulled the covers over me. "Let me have my space, we had a deal." I demanded, looking away. The boldness vanished from within me. The feeling of been seen washed over me, and I was embarrassed.
He nodded passing me a meaningful look and I sighed, watching him walk off.
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By the time I was getting ready to sleep, My phone was constantly blowing up with notifications. I unlocked it and I noticed the messages I got from my mother. She was asking me where I was and various questions about why I hadn't called her in days. I sighed. I didn't even remember how long has it been. I was sure it was just a few days.

I instantly called her. She answered on the very first ring and I heard a series of angry words. I sighed. I wasn't up for it, it was tiring like every other time. "Calm down mom, I am out with Alex on a business trip." I lied, I had to.

"But you could call Ashley! I was worried about you!! And let me have a talk with Alex, I don't trust you." Alex had always been a good kid to my mom, ever since we were young. Alex and his family had been good friends of ours. It was likely of everyone to think we were really good friends. Only if they knew what happened four years ago.

"Why don't you trust me mom? I told you I am doing good, just busy with work." I hated it when my mom acted like that. It had been years since that incident and I was just fine. I was doing good in reality. She didn't trust me at all and it made me angry. She didn't look after me when I needed her and now all she did was act suspicious if I was doing drugs again.

Just then I noticed him enter the room. I sighed. He had his usual aloof expression, but I noticed his eyes on me. He eyed me and as if something cold had hit him, he almost ignored me. But when did he not? It was usual if we were to meet outside of work.
"Do you want me to personally call him?"

"Mom, no! Please I am fine. Here I will give him the phone." I extended my arm without looking at him, hiding my tears. He paused and walked towards me.  I felt the weight lift from my hands as my phone disappeared. I got in the covers, hiding my face from him. He understood without even me having to say it, he stood next to me. It was not the first time this had happened, and I wasn't okay with it at all.

"Yea she's fine. I might even say she is quite wild these days." He joked and then I heard another laugh from his side. I felt awful, He didn't have to see me this way. He didn't have to get in my way. He bonded with my mother better than I did and I was so jealous. He didn't worry her, I did.

"We might be busy for next few weeks even. We have this project we're working on, so I hope you don't mind it. And yes, sure I'd take care of her." He said and I cursed under my breath. Take care my ass. He was playing games with me! And maybe, he did everything for his own good. So that we could easily fool his grandmother without being disturbed. What a selfish man!

He might have ended the call because I heard him
Call me peach again. "Keep the phone aside. I want to sleep." I didn't hear anything else other than his steps all around the room as he minded his business. My tears stung my eyes and I tried my best to hold them back. Having someone's presence around me made it difficult for me to hold myself back.

I pushed my head inside my pillow as I let my tears roll down. As soon as he stepped out of the shower, I stopped myself. I made sure I didn't let out a single sob. I didn't want him to know that I was this fragile and this weak. Maybe it was my hormones that I couldn't hold back.

I felt a tug at the covers and soon they were removed from me. I pushed my elbows together and buried my face in the pillow. I felt him nearing me. He grabbed my arms and pulled them apart. My head was far from the pillow even when I tried to fight him. I didn't want to have him see me like this.

"What are you doing Ashley?" He yelled, I was pretty sure it echoed through the walls. I stopped. My body stilled. My body turned limp against the fabric of the the mattress. I sighed. My face was covered with tears and I opened my eyes looking in his. I was a mess. So pathetic. I hiccuped lightly pursing my lips. Letting him see me.

"Stop being a baby! Why the hell are you even crying? Stop ruining my nights! You have ruined my days enough." He said through his gritted teeth. But I saw that slight anger mixed with frustration on his face. I was being a baby? Just because I wanted to cry?

I breathed in and out again, calming my nerves. I didn't want to be him, I didn't want to be as pathetic as him. In that moment, I wished he wasn't the Alex he was. I wish he would just hug me and let me cry in his arms. "How can you find it..." annoying.

I couldn't even continue when another sob broke out of me. He let me go then. I curled myself again, away from him. Fuck! I lacked the courage to say those words and I lacked the urge to fight him. Memories engulfed my head. Thoughts were running in my head. I felt a million things and it was overwhelming.

"Leave me alone Alex. Please, I can't..." I begged him. I didn't know what I wanted him to do. To leave me alone or to comfort me. I had never had someone do that often but I really wanted it. I cried and cried. I heard nothing from his side. Then there it was, what I needed.

I felt his arms wrap around me from behind. His chest pressed against my back. A shock passed my heart and my body. It was all it took to break down the fragile walls around my heart.

This had never happened before. It reminded me of everything we were when we were young. All the pent up emotions came rolling from my heart. I sobbed still having my face covered with my hands, afraid I'd let him feel my tears through his soft t-shirt. "I hate you." I muttered

"Just shut up now and get over with it." He said. His voice was cold but it sounded so comforting. That warmth was all I needed. I didn't remember what it felt like to have someone, someone who could listen to you when you want, hug you to sleep when you wanted to cry.

I wanted to push him away but then why? Why was he there with me when I was in my bad times? He was partly the reason I was crying, but he was the one I was in arms of, when I felt like letting my emotions out.

"I am afraid Alex." I whispered, again.

"Of what?" He asked me, again.

"You." I muttered and I felt him sigh. I was afraid that he'd make me want to crave his comfort when I needed it. I was afraid that he'd make me crave his presence when this was over. I was afraid that he'd be the one I want in the end.

I don't remember anything else. I just knew my world faded as his warmth consumed me and I fell in a deep slumber that night. The never-ending circle of love and hate would go on like normal when I woke up. I wished it was all a dream so that I wouldn't be disappointed later. I wouldn't be disappointed when he looked at me with coldness and so that I wouldn't miss the softness of his chest when he'd push me away the next day.