Crazy but Sweet, Sweet but Crazy

63: the most important apology

"Thank you to all of you who came to celebrate this happy day of our lives with us. We will treasure and re-read all your letters of support and love."

Standing at the podium, Elliot was back to the perfect epitome of well-mannered host and groom, smiling at the guests who'd taken their seats.

With a pause, he looked straight at the camera, the camera that was live-streaming our wedding for one viewer- Michael.

"And I promise to treasure Clare more than anything and anyone. Thank you for entrusting your beautiful daughter to me, Michael-"

He turned his eyes back to Jessica, and dipped his head. "And Jessica."

Jessica winked, clapping. I wondered how Michael was reacting. Probably crying.

When we watched a movie, the one to cry was always Michael, and the one to laugh at him, always Jessica. I smiled slightly.

An applause followed Jessica's claps. I stepped up the podium, and took Elliot's extended hand. His warm hand gave a small squeeze.

"Thank you to all of you here who took time out of your busy schedules to be with us. Above all, thank you for being with us through highs and lows, through our struggles and celebrations. And Landon-"

I turned my gaze to Landon, who abashedly, gruffly nodded at me.

"Thank you for entrusting your brother to me. I promise to love Elliot more than anything and anyone."

~ * ~

"I'm thinking of taking my mother's surname instead. To become Elliot Chase."

After all guests had left and our house had been cleared of all decorations, Elliot and I sat in the jacuzzi, both of us close to being asleep in the post-wedding exhaustion.

With the warmth of the pool water enveloping my body, and now leaning my head against Elliot's shoulder, I was perfectly prepared to fall asleep.

"Why?"

"I thought about it for some time, but didn't know how to bring it up. Since...in a few months' time Michael's getting released... maybe I can say this to you now. It seems a little...cruel. To make you a Mrs. Lockwood."

The thought had never struck me. I tried mentally saying my name. 'Clare Lockwood'. How did that make me feel?

"I have dual citizenship- of UK and the US. If we have a child- she or he can take either of our surnames, with UK citizenship. So it wouldn't affect the child."

Elliot winced. "But people in US will call you Mrs. Lockwood. Call you Clare Lockwood," he said, softly. "I don't want to hurt you."

"'Lockwood' is a name that used to hurt me." I closed my eyes. "But not anymore. It's just your name. So I'd love to be Clare Lockwood. As long as you keep the name.

"If you want to take your mother's name- then I'd love to be Clare Chase too. But did you just talk about our child?"

"If you don't want one, it's fine," Elliot said hurriedly.

I lifted my head and took a peek at his face. He looked flustered, embarrassed.

"I mean, but I do imagine sometimes. Having a mini you running about this house," he mumbled.

Laughing, I leaned my head back on his shoulder. "Hm, okay."

"Wh- what is the 'hm, okay' supposed to mean?" He got up straight, staring at me with wide eyes.

Lifting my head up and kicking my feet through the pool, I shrugged.

"It means 'I'll start reading books on how to raise a decent kid'."