Single-Blind - Newt (TMR)

Chapter 47 - Drink to the Memories

He set her down and stepped back, only now it wasn't Gally. I was someone else. A boy, the same height as me. My clothes had changed, we both wore all blue. There was a bandage in the crease of both of my elbows and I could feel matching small circle patches on my temples. His hair color was the same shade as mine and for the first time, she could remember what she looked like. She looked like him.

He smiled to swallow his worry, "The maze can't be any worse than the treatments, right?"

"We could be trading one hell for another." I saw through the blurriness in my eyes. It was my voice and my mouth moving, but I didn't know where the words were coming from. He sighed, being strong for the both of us. "If everything goes to plan, we won't even lose our memories."

Obviously, things did not go to plan.

"We share the same DNA, you couldn't get rid of me if you tried." He laughed through the pain, "Mary will get us out."

"Almost the same blood." I corrected, making him smile softly.

"Mom would be proud of you." He whispered, brushing my hair out of my face.

"No, she would be furious we are splitting up." I pointed out, "But then she would be proud of the both of us."

"We're gonna get them out. All of them." He rubbed my shoulders. "I'll see you in a few days."

"Don't be late." I pushed a computer mouse, officially changing our records over to the maze trials. Mary would come to get us in the morning, separating us not only globally but mentally. By the time someone realized the wrong subjects were gone, the box would already be going down. Mary's helicopter would back off, only it wouldn't go back to WCKD headquarters. Our skills would be turned on WCKD, becoming their man-made destruction.

Everything I knew would be gone. I tried to find the good in it, I wouldn't have daily lessons or worry about the flare. This is what my mother would want us to do, to make the sacrifice as she did for us. I wanted to be just like her. She did everything she could to help my older sister but when it backfired and she bit my mother's leg open right in front of us, giving up her children to WCKD seemed like the safest option at the time. She protected us before the worst of it.

Even after the mental treatments, I wished I was smarter. I wish I could have found the cure myself or even a better plan that didn't involve leaving him. He was the better half and he had to know it deep down. We came into this world together and I didn't want to think of the possibility of living in a world without him.

I opened my eyes, thrown right back into exactly that. Even though I knew he wouldn't be there, I searched for him. My eyes focused on Newt first, letting myself fall into him.

"What happened? Are you okay?" I panted, letting my mind and body adjust to being back. He waited patiently, stroking my hair lightly.

"Marcel."

"Who?" Thomas' face pinched.

"My brother. My twin." I answered. "We made a plan. He believed in us. He thought we would end it all."

"Well, you did Fi, you got us out."

"We planned to only be gone for a week." I restated, crushing pain in my head and my heart.

Everything seemed cloudy, I was faced with another person that I can't fully remember but feel the presence of in my mind. What a horror and a relief it was to remember someone that meant everything to me. WCKD wasn't even fully to blame. I had to blame myself for this. It was my idea and he followed me. Even the thirty brothers in the glade couldn't fill the hole in my heart that must have always been there for my brother. The hole was always there, but it didn't have a name or a reason. It held all my sisterly instinct and only grew now.

Once again I was faced with the sinking feeling of grief without even fully knowing who I was grieving. I was emotionally drained of everything in me. I needed all of it to stop, I wanted to sink away. I wanted to be back in the glade for the first time, safe under the stars. I would have Newt next to me and if I listened hard enough I could hear Gally's snores. My only problem would be getting caught by Alby at that time of night. But now that image would be tainted with the knowledge that somewhere under those same stars, my brother could have been struggling or dying. Either of us could have died without even knowing the other existed. The feeling of guilt overwhelmed me, this whole time I was trying to remember boys from the second part of my life without even remembering the most important one from the first. I never even tried. I wonder if under those stars he attempted to remember me. 

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Please don't kill me for being MIA for so long. Love you, bye.

B