Mending Hearts

ℂℍ𝔸ℙ𝕋𝔼ℝ 𝟚𝟝

𝕊𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℙ𝕒𝕤𝕥

"What happened in your past?"

He blinked at me for a minute, then something swirled in his eyes I'd never seen before, but he looked at the floor before I could work out what it was. He nodded slowly as he took the question in, clearly thinking it over.

When I reached out and touched the cool metal forearm, I spoke again "you don't have to tell me, but I feel like everyone knows something but me and they're all giving me the wrong impression. I'd rather have the truth from you. But it's still your choice Buck". I rubbed circles with my thumb and smiled gently at him, us finally holding eye contact.

Nodding, he lifts his flesh hand to tuck some stray hairs behind my ear. His voice was barely above a whisper when he spoke, "can we talk in your room please?" I smiled and nodded, standing up and holding a hand out to help him up. He didn't take it, getting up on his own and beginning to head towards the compound at a pace he knew I'd be able to keep up with.

I followed slightly behind him, wanting to stay close without crowding him. When we reached my room I opened the door and closed it behind Bucky, locking it to have some privacy for him. He sat on the floor by the window where my usual blankets and pillows lay, and so I sat opposite, looking out the window to reduce any pressure he might've felt. When he cleared his throat I looked back at him, waiting for him to speak. "Promise you'll hear the whole thing before judging me? I know the end won't change much but I'd like for someone to know everything and you're the only person I trust with it right now"

"Of course Buck, say however much you'd like... I'm here to listen to everything you wanna say okay?" I grabbed his hand and gave it 3 gentle squeezes, but judging by the look on his face he didn't know what it meant, he just kept a hold of my hand while he told me his story.

He told me everything, from the train to his arm, to Hydra, to the end of S.H.I.E.L.D., to Wakanda. I went through a rollercoaster of emotions as he spoke, pain was the only one evident for him. I felt awful for him, but I knew sympathetic looks wouldn't make him feel any better, so I tried my best to keep a small kind smile on my lips and stayed silent while he spoke. By the end of it I was amazed he'd survived this long, and a lot of his behaviour made sense now.

Without thinking, I hugged him. I didn't ask if it was okay but going off the way his arms squeezed me close and his head nestled in my neck I guessed he needed it. I had no words, physical comfort was all I could provide for now for the tortured soldier. We stayed like this for a few minutes, I had managed to whisper "it's okay" a few time to him, but no other words could find either of us. When we finally pulled apart, his eyes were glistening with tears and a part of me broke at the sight. As one fell I wiped it away and kissed his lips gently. He held my waist with a strong grip, clearly terrified I'd walk away or tell him to. I couldn't do that to him. Never. I'd found someone I cared so deeply for, someone to finally let in and trust. What happened to him wasn't his fault, and he was made to do the things he did - morphed into a weapon by hydra. I could never blame him for that, let alone shut him out.

I left gentle small kisses peppered across his face in hopes of distracting him enough to stop the tears falling down his cheeks. When I noticed they had ceased I gently kissed his lips while wiping any left over tears from his cheeks. We sat by the window for a while after, randomly kissing each other sweetly or moving into more comfortable positions. I only spoke once I had worked out what to say, "you know none of that was you, it was Hydra? You can't let the trauma you've been through determine how you perceive yourself Buck..."