Mending Hearts

ℂℍ𝔸ℙ𝕋𝔼ℝ 𝟠

𝔽𝕝𝕒𝕤𝕙𝕓𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕤

He stood in front of me, yelling at me for some reason I dont know. I'm backed into the corner, tears threatening to fall but I push them back, not wanting him to have the satisfaction of making me cry.

"You just cant do anything can you? Why do I even bother dealing with you? You're pathetic" he spits out, his words making me flinch and whimper. He throws a glass, causing it to shatter and the shards fly around the room. "For fuck sake, shut the fuck up!"

I hold my breath, trying not to make a sound. Tears flood down my cheeks and my chest begins to hurt for my need to breathe.

"Ellie? Ellie what's wrong?" Someones calling to me, but they sound far away. I know they cant help me.

I suck in a breathe, then start hyperventilating, unable to control my breathing or shaking form. I know this will anger him further, and I curl into a ball on the floor. I try to apologise but cant make a sound from the fear piercing my vocal chords.

"Hey, hey Ellie. Ellie it's me, its Bucky. What's wrong? Whats happening?" The voice is still far away, but slightly closer now. I still cant make a sound, but hope whoever it is finds me and doesnt upset him. "Its okay, you're in the compound, nobody's here to hurt you. It's not real, you're safe. I promise youre safe"

Things begin to blur, the abusive words start to fade and I'm back in the kitchen of the compound. Theres broken glass all over the floor and I'm huddled in the corner shaking like a leaf and my cheeks are drenched in tears.

Bucky is kneeling in front of me, hands on my knees, thumbs rubbing soothing circles. "Hey, you're okay Doll."

I looked at him, still sobbing, and was grateful for his efforts to help me.

"There she is. hey you're okay, you're okay." He kept repeating that phrase quietly, and slowly I started to believe him. After a while of sitting together, me trying to calm down and him soothing me, he finally asked "hey Ellie... what happened?" 

I sniffled. I'd stop sobbing and was only lightly shaking now. "I-" I cleared my throat hoping it would help me speak, "I'm sorry".

"Hey no, dont apologise Doll, it's not your fault. Just tell me what happened" he looks genuinely concerned for me, which confused me but also made my heart swell.

"I'm not sure. I was just... somewhere else" I cant bring myself to talk about it. The flashbacks stopped months ago, what's gotten into me? "Did I drop a glass?"

"Yeah, I heard you and came in to find you starting to breakdown. Whatever happened you're safe now, I promise" he smiles at me, making me give a small one back.

"Sorry for the mess. And thank you, for helping me"

I shakes his head, "dont apologise for dropping a glass, and dont thank me for helping you either". He let's out a sigh and lifts both his hands to my cheeks, using his thumbs to gently wipe away the tears. "I dont know what happened to you, but we've all got a past. If you want to talk, I'm here okay? I know more about past traumas than youd think"

The comfort he provides shocks me, but a part of me adores it and hopes he'll continue to be this way. "Okay" is all I say, but I lean my head into his metal hand, enjoying the coolness. I dont know what came over me but I found myself staring into his eyes and muttering "they're so pretty, like a stormy ocean". They seem glazed over, like hes upset about me being in this condition and I scold myself for upsetting the kind soldier.

He smiles, a very quiet "thank you" filling the space between us. We sit in silence for another minute before he removed his hand from my face and gave a smile before standing up, moving to clean up the broken glass.

"Oh I can do that it's fine, I made the mess" but Bucky gives me a look and I decide to stay seated in the corner. Why are you acting like an obedient labrador? Seriously, you're never like this!

He cleans up the shards, then gets me a glass of water and puts some ice cubes in it before handing it to me. I give a grateful smile and take a sip. I think for a minute and decide it's best to give a brief explanation for my crazy behaviour.

"I think dropping the glass caused a flashback for me. I havent had one in months but it took me back to a place in my life that wasnt great. It was a few years before I came here and things were rough for me. It's why I get nightmares too" I look up at him, expecting a sympathetic smile but his face was rid of any emotions.

Before I know what's hit me, he picks me up in his arms bridle style and walks me to the closest living room. Once hes set me in the corner of the large sofa (the comfiest spot) he grabs the fluffy throw blanket that was draped over the back and lays it over me. I was stunned. I didnt expect him to do all this for me. Nobody but Tony and the girls are like this for me, and Tony is very rare to do something like this. "Whoever hurt you this badly, didn't deserve you at all Ellie. Whatever happened, I hope it never happens to you again. I know remembering the past can be hard. You'd rather just forget it. But we can't, and it haunts us all the time. Is there something I can do to help?"

Theres something about all this that makes me want to curl up in his lap and never leave. Now that's one of your dumbest ideas, you don't trust anyone. What happened to that rule? I shake my head, throwing my conscious and the idea out. "Thank you Buck, you've already helped me so much. More than you know. I just... I wish it could go away, yanno? Like I could erase everything I did and make the pain go away."

"I know, trust me. Its okay though. You'll be okay" he smiles again at me, and I enjoy the sight.

I sigh, and cuddle further into the sofa while wrapping the blanket around me so I look like a fluffy burrito. I give a small hum when I feel the warmth come back to me, I didnt feel cold before but clearly the panic attack sent me into overdrive and I didn't notice my temperature drop.

Bucky gets up, and goes to leave but I decide to just let myself have a moment of weakness after so long of shutting myself off from most people. "Hey Buck" I call after him quietly.

"Yeah Doll?"

There goes the butterflies again. "Will you stay with me? Just for a little bit"

He smiles and nods, taking a seat next to me, "of course".

I decide to curl up to his side, and partially rest my head on his side too. He wraps his arm around me and very lightly traces his fingers up and down my arm. The action soothes me greatly, and lulls me to sleep almost instantly. I was in such a deep sleep I didnt hear what he said to me. Or rather, what he asked.

"What are you doing to me comoară?"

Translation:
Comoară = "treasure" in Romanian