The Reason (1)

Chapter 12: To Feel Okay Again

       As time went on the I started to feel okay again, I talked to David almost every single night, and I was also looking forward to and planning my 15th birthday. I would go to bed smiling and using David's hoodies as stuffed animals because even though I had washed them they somehow still smelled like him with comforted me. We stayed up late at night, technically mornings, talking about random things. I still did feel a little sad because I missed hanging out with David and my friend Avery, but I knew when I got back I would be able to hang out with them, and I should enjoy my time up in New York because I got to see my favorite aunt and hang out with her.

I still got sad at times thinking of them, but this time I wasn't distracting myself from that feeling, I embraced it, I felt the feeling, and then let go of it. Something I should've done a long time ago because there was a time when I didn't have them and I was okay so that means I was going to be okay. I looked in the mirror and smiled, I didn't see the same person I was in that picture, I saw someone different, someone, better. I still felt alone at times but it was getting better, I was getting better. I realized that my hatred for myself was because of the actions that I had done that I hated because at times I did hate the way I acted.

No one is perfect, and everyone has problems, but all you can do is try to be the best person you can be. You have to be a good listener, reason with people, and treat people the way they deserve to be treated. Surround yourself with people that tell you when you're wrong, surround yourself that will support you, and surround yourself with people who treat you like a person. Just because you think you know someone, and you think they care about you, that doesn't mean that they do.

Let people in, tell people if you have a problem with them, and tell people when they hurt you because if you don't let them know then they will keep doing it. You can't get mad at someone and not tell them because it could be a misunderstanding, and real friends reason with each other. Don't ball stuff inside because in the end it never ends well for anyone. Everything happens for a reason, pain is always temporary. That alone feeling, that drowning feeling, it can go away you just need to find people, people that care, that can help you, and trust me they will always be out there sometimes closer than you think. 

I looked at the window, watching the trees sway, smiling. Now I know that I will be okay, it might still hurt, but I will get through it. I then looked back at my tablet and keyboard. I took a deep sigh connected the keyboard and went to the notes app, as a tear fell down my cheek I smiled and typed, "Chapter 1: Friendship."