The Return

Chapter Twenty Nine

Thursday April 27th 2021.

She had one last thing to do before closing the book on her old life.

Dr. William's hands were shaking when he answered the phone. His back was turned to her, yet again taking in the cityscape.

"Miss. Steinfeld, I didn't think I would be hearing from you so soon. How are you settling in?"

Holly grinned, giddy. "You tell me."

He jerked around. He wasn't out of his element in a sunshine yellow suit and smart shoes. He always wore bright alarming colors, a contrast to the calming tones of his office.

Holly was early, by two minutes and scrutinized the room with a calmness that was displaced.

"Miss. Steinfeld," He pushed the phone into his pocket.

Dr. Williams was a round man with a pudgy tummy and eyes like a blushing Russian doll.

"Don't tell me, Georgia's having cold feet?" He frowned; hands on his hips.

Holly felt at home in his closet-sized office. In the corner, that old monitor still blinked a needy green light. On the floor in the middle of the room sat pillows and a patterned mat. By the window was his desk and beside it, was a leather couch.

"It's not Georgia this time." Holly stood straighter, taller. He didn't like it when she slacked. It was a sign of poor confidence and he couldn't talk to people with poor self-esteem. It was one of his commandments. If she wanted his help, she had to abide by his rules. And reeling from her parent's messy divorce and pinning off the rails, she benefited from a stern figure in her life. Even if it was only for a few years.

She wanted him to see how much of an impact he had on her.

"Have a seat, make yourself comfortable and remember; I am a listening ear and all I want to do, is guide you through it," Whatever it was, Dr. Williams didn't specify.

Holly opted for the mat, curling her feet beneath her. She didn't bring a bag along with her. Everything she needed was in the pockets of her yoga pants.

"What if it happens again." Dr. Williams reached for his notepad and walked over to the pale leather couch. He plucked the cuff of his shirt and leaned forward.

"And what if it does?"

Holly ran her tongue over her bottom lip.

"Then I'll have to move across the country with Georgia and start over... again."

"Who says you have to go with her?"

Holly was silent.

"Didn't you tell me you would be going off to college in... less than a month if my calculations are correct?"

Silence.

"So, what if it happens again, Miss. Steinfeld? What if your parents give their marriage another go and they remember what split them up in the first place?"

"I'll be caught in the crosshairs." She grumbled beneath her breath.

"And what if you are?" He urged. "Or are you insinuating that you're not as strong as I think you are? Am I wrong about you?"

Holly shook her head. "No, I'm... I can handle it..." She didn't know whether she was trying to convince herself or him. "I ... I hate seeing them fight..." She played with her hands on her lap, staring at them as if they became darker or grew longer.

"Couples fight, and I know you don't want to hear this. But men cheat. Now I'm in no way justifying your father's actions, nor am I invalidating your pain and fear, but I at least want you to take heart in knowing that this isn't unique to Vaughn and I think he's learned from his mistake."

"How do you know?" She clutched them into a fist.

"I don't. But neither do you."

"Trust is hard, Holly. I know you've struggled with it since the first day you came in her. And we've made tremendous progress, haven't we?"

"Yeah." Holly swiped at her forehead even though she wasn't sweating.

Williams scribbled on his notepad. "What does it feel like?" He peeped at Holly. "When you think about them giving their marriage another try."

"Like a dream that I know I will wake up from any minute now."

"And you don't want to wake up and find out your parents getting married is all a dream?" He asked softly.

"No not that..." Holly sat on her hands. "I don't want it to turn into a nightmare."

"Dreams have a tendency of doing that, don't they?"

Holly nodded.

"Well, you can never tell how this dream will end if you keep stalling in my office."

Holly heaved a sigh.

"I guess I have a wedding to attend."

Don't turn around.

The words were a subtle whisper thrumming in Holly's mind as she walked by Aunt Ruth. The woman had her lips in a thin line and marched as though she were at a Black Friday sale. She was the best person to meander JFK's morning flight rush. Every seat in Terminal one was taken up by elderly men or children with oversized bag packs. Suitcases and trollies sat idly by the information desks.

To Ruth, Holly wouldn't be late for her damn flight back if it weren't for Iris. What the elderly woman failed to understand was that Holly needed her best friend. Needed to relish in as much time together before she would be strapped on a flight back to her new life.

Don't turn around.

She couldn't hear her footsteps anymore. She listened for Iris's boots pounding against the airport's polished floors. She always wore big heavy boots, almost forgetting that she was no longer the emo girl grieving the death of her father. A pair of sneakers would do the job.

Holly considered turning around and breaking into a jog. She didn't think she had the time. Before she would zigzag through the bodies in Terminal 1 any potential flight back to Chicago would be halfway across the country.

Don't turn around.

"Wait." Holly stopped by the escalators where an elderly woman with one of those new-techy-automatic suitcases was struggling to get on.

"What is it now? If you miss that flight all your mother's shouting will be on my head. Did you forget something in the car?"

Holly tried to answer, but her throat was dry and her response was a strange croak.

She peered over her shoulder. She stopped. She was gone. Her eyes darted around the walkway.

"Sweetheart, if you're not sure what you forgot, I can send it through DHL."

Holly's fingers were hot and clammy. "She can come with me!" Her scalp prickled.

"You know that's not possible." Aunt Ruth scanned the people sitting by Concourse B32. "It's never easy, losing friends. Knowing that you can never get back the memories that you made. But you'll make new ones and learn to value them better. And that might not be what you want or what you're ready for. But life wouldn't toss you in the deep end if you weren't ready."

Holly listened, hard to mumbles and mutters of people on a journey of their own. It was an ear-piercing whirl of jargons and calls whisked in the wind.

Iris was there when she got her first real boyfriend. Erin wasn't the best, but he was Holly's first and it ached to know Iris wouldn't know about Kyle or what would come out of the time they spent together.

The world around her was suddenly a kaleidoscope of possibilities. One door closed that didn't mean she couldn't reach out and open another.

"I'm ready."