idiots || kenickie murdoch

xii - try understanding

song recommendation for this chapter : you don't own me - lesley gore

author's note : so this chapter gets a little explicit. no full on sex scene or anything but it is a passionate (& pent up anger filled) make out session in kenickie's car. so if that is not something you enjoy, read until the "!!" that's your warning that it gets spicy there. continue reading when it says "¡¡". that's your sign that the spicy part is over.
enjoy!

-

the ride home was silent.
dead silent.
dusk had fallen and slowly, everyone was dropped off at their homes.

except for me.
kenickie and i went for a drive.

we ended up at makeout point, again. for a while, a strong silence sat between us. we just looked at each other, saying nothing. finally, he broke it. "what the fuck was that?" his voice was soft. barely auditable if it hadn't been the only noise in the car. "kenickie-"
"no. what the fuck was that? why were you kissing him? why?"
"listen, he kissed me."
"and you let him?"
"i had to play along."
"what happened to calling for me when you ran into trouble?"
"i made up my own plan, okay?"
"you said you'd yell if you needed me. why didn't you yell?"
"nickie-"
"why didn't you yell?" his voice was so soft. barely above a whisper.
"maybe i should've yelled for you. but i was focused on getting riz and lori out."
"but what about you?"
"what about me? we were there for them."
"but you matter to me."
the silence that fell after that was thick. suffocating almost.
after a bit i broke the silence with a stern,"yeah. well...we were there for them."
the hurt in his eyes was evident. but it was the truth. i didn't matter to myself in that moment. i only cared about getting rizzo and lori out. i didn't care if that meant making out with leo for the rest of my life if it meant my friends were safe.
kenickie loudly sighed. "doll. i just...try understanding my side."
"your side? what exactly is your side?"

"imagine seein' the girl of your dreams kissing the guy that you hate the most in the entire world."

oh.
so that's his side.

i didn't say anything. kenickie continued to reiterate his point.
"imagine it. imagine seeing the person you've been chasing, kissin' another guy. not just another guy. it's the guy whose face you want to smash in. it hurts don't it? yeah. that's how it feels when it actually happens too."
the silence covered us again and he turned away from me. i really hurt kenickie, but it wasn't even entirely my fault. the fact that he didn't seem to understand that really irked me.
"i did what i had to, okay? i didn't enjoy it either. he kissed me. not the other way around. don't get it twisted. sure i probably should have yelled for you but what would that have done? gotten you into trouble?" my tone was stern and sounded fed up. my anger was misguided a bit but fuck! i've spent my whole life taking the blame for shit and i'm not going to get blamed for this when i just did what was needed. kenickie side-eyed me when i finished. "i could have helped you. so you didn't end up doing anything stupid." he mumbled. this really upset me and i can't even explain it.
"something stupid? it was a kiss! big fucking whoop! what's leo gonna do? go around town and tell everyone i'm a shameless whore he banged him in the den?" my voice was beginning to get louder and louder with each passing sentence.
"that's exactly what he'll do!" kenickie shouted back. "he'll plaster your name around town as the whore who will do anythin' for a dime!"
we were facing each other again. the anger between us was tangible.
"why the hell do you even care what he does with my name?" i sneered.
"you must be a fucking idiot if you truly don't know the answer to that question." he hissed back.
"you better shut up, murdoch."
to this, he gave me the cockiest smirk i'd ever seen in my life.

"make me, doll."

!!

in a swift movement, i grabbed the kenickie's face and pulled him towards me. our lips crashed together and a rough make out session began. it was messy and frantic but, god, did it feel good. i laced my fingers through his blonde hair and tugged. a soft moan of approval escaped him. how unexpected....i want to hear more. for such tough guy he made such sweet noises. i continued experimenting by biting down sharply on his bottom lip which earned me another soft moan. however, it also caused him to pull away. our eyes met and his pale blue eyes were glazed over.
"do you want me to stop?" i asked softly. he shook his head. "no, please. please keep going." so with his approval i pulled him back in. the kisses were softer this time around. they were softer until i tugged at his blonde locks again and he began feverishly kissing me. just to tease him though, i kept the same pace i had before. on top of that i slowly slid my hand up his white t-shirt and ever so gently felt him up.  the feather light touch clearly bothered him as he whimpered into the kiss and pressed himself closer to me. i broke our kiss and moved to his jawline. softly i peppered kisses down his jawline to his neck. i peppered more kisses until i found a spot i liked and began sucking at the skin. he growled lowly at this as if asking me to test the waters.

so i did.

i sucked his skin harder and nipped him at the spot. "fuck." he hissed through his teeth. i continued onto a few more spots and carefully marked him up. the harder i bit and sucked, the more sweet sweet noises he would make as he lightly bucked his hips forward in the drivers seat. eventually i pulled away and met his blue eyes once again. a devilish smile covered my face as he just stared at me breathlessly.
"shall we go home?" i asked.
"that isn't fair, doll," he gasped out.
"hm? why's that?"
"you get to have your fun but i don't get to have any myself?"
"you seemed to enjoy yourself well enough," i giggled. to this, his eyes darkened.
"no, no, no. this isn't how this works."
abruptly, he pulled me down so i was now laying on the long seats of his car with him now hovering over me. he leaned down to my ear and whispered "now for my fun."
from there he kissed down my jawline and found a spot he liked on my neck. immediately he began sucking and bitting interspersed between sloppy kisses. the air left my lungs and came out as light moans. he marked all over my neck roughly. i threw a hand over my mouth as an attempt to silence the moans that threatened to leave me. kenickie saw this and scoffed.
"what's wrong doll? don't want anyone to know that kenickie murdoch is making you moan so loudly just from leaving hickeys?"
he leaned close again and whispered, "trust me. they already know. a hickey from kenickie is like a hallmark card: when you care enough to send the very best."

¡¡

with that, kenickie got off of me and i sat back up. a smirk covered his features as he started up the car and began driving. no words were spoken between us on the way home. soon enough, we were in front of my house. gingerly, i opened the car door and began walking to the door. i stopped in my tracks when i heard kenickie shut the car off, though. i turned and he was behind me.
"thought i'd spend the night," he explained bluntly. i rolled my eyes and continued walking to the door. if he wants to stay he can. i'm too worn out to fight it anyways.

we made our way to my room and just as he had done before, he pulled off his black converse, black jacket, and white t-shirt. leaving them a pile on the floor. he then climbed in my bed and waited for me as i changed into my pajamas. once i was done, i turned out the light and joined him in bed. he played big spoon to my little spoon and held me tightly to his chest. i was nearly asleep when he spoke.
"doll?"
"hm?"
"i...um...didn't mean any of the stuff i said. i just....was upset over it all."
a gentle hum was all i could provide in response as i began drifting off to sleep again.

i think i heard him say, "you truly do mean a lot to me" but maybe i was just imaging that as i soon fell asleep after our brief conversation.