Morana

TWELVE

I looked around. 21 bodies on the ground circulating me. Twenty-one.

I looked at my hand and saw the gun. I killed them with a gun. I quickly throw it away from me. It fell on the ground and it made a lot of noise because of how quiet it is.

I look around and find all of my brothers looking at me shocked. I look away, I don't want to see the realisation on their faces. The realisation that their sister is a fucking monster.

I look up and the ceiling is a mirror. I see myself in the middle of a pile of dead bodies with red dots between their eyebrows reminding me of my deadly aiming.

I look into my red eyes and I look like a real monster, my face is pale, my eyes are so red with red veines popping out, my lips are so dry and my hair is disgusting wet with sweat.

I fall to my knees because I realise that Gabriel was right all along, I am born to kill and nothing else. I know why he chose this poison, to show me how ugly I can be.

I have never hated myself more than I do now. I hate myself so fucking much. The truth is I have never loved myself before.

I look up and see guards starting to clean my mess. I see the way they are afraid of me, they don't want to approach me, they are taking the bodies that are far from me. I saw the two guards arguing who's gonna take the body next to me. I saw them and it destroyed me.

A guard finally approached me and I looked up just to see who but the way he flinched had my heart shattering.

I want to tell him that I don't want to be like this. I want to tell him that I had no other choice than to be the monster that I am today. I want to tell him that I want help and I don't want to be like this anymore. But he took that body so quickly fearing for his life and I get it.

I look at my arms and there's glass sticking out of my skin, it's when I broke that window.

Foot steps started approaching me slowly but not fearfully. I look up to find a hand being held out to me, it's Adriano.

I look at him like I am so grateful he's willing to touch me. A silent tear rolls down my cheek and it makes me a little happy because I still can feel a little after all, maybe I am capable of being saved.

I take his hand and get up, I was more shocked when he brought me into a hug.

His hand was smoothing my hair like he's trying to calm me down and the other one was wrapped around me so tightly like 'it's okay' but it's not.

I started crying then sobbing because I am so tired of being like this, because I just want to live, I just want to be normal, because I hate myself.

"I didn't mean to I swear.." I sobbed like never. "I lost control I am sorry!"

"This was not your fault." Adriano said. "You were poisoned okay?"

No, Adriano, no. This is not my first time losing control and that's why I don't use guns, they make me lose control and they remind of something I don't want to remember. Killing with guns is so easy to me and that's why it becomes addicting at some point, killing with knives is challenging and not easy.

He pulled away looking at my arms because of the glass sticking out. He pulled away and I cried more because his touch makes me feel less of a monster.

He looked back at Milo speaking in Italian. Shit I don't know Italian, I was forbidden from learning that language. "Questi sono cattivi, dovremmo portarla in ospedale? (These are bad, should we take her to the hospital?)"

Milo got closer to me and took my arm in his hand inspecting my injuries. "Non credo, posso farlo. (I don't think so, I can do it.)"

I pulled my arm away when the glass felt uncomfortable so I started pulling one of them but Adriano and Milo stopped me.