His Queen

12. Kings and Feelings

As I walked further into the room, I stopped right behind my desk and kicked the chair I spend hours sitting and working at. It knocked onto the floor sideways and made a scraping noise against the flooring until it stopped moving a few feet away from me.

Letting out an angry growl, I slammed my hands onto the desk, sending a few pieces of paper flying into the air. 

I knew my eyes had turned gold because I could see everything more vibrant, they snapped up immediately as I heard the study door open.

My body fully alert, I was ready to jump into action and kill whoever dared to enter my study without knocking until I saw who it was.

Emma.

My eyes softened at the sight of her, I composed myself and stood up straight. 

"Damien," she walked closer to me but slowly, afraid that I might just snap, "what is going on? You left in such a hurry."

"I'll be back in a moment," I turned away from her and faced the other way.

An unknown feeling had taken over me and I did not want anyone to see me in this state. I was used to being short-tempered but this anger was completely different in that regards.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," she said.

"I am okay, you should go back and enjoy your day. Eric must be looking for you."

"No, you are not. And I am tired of you pretending like you are, something definitely triggered your anger tonight."

I turned back to look at her, her worried eyes found mine and I could tell she was stressed. She wouldn't let this go until I told her. I was well familiar with her stubbornness.

"I don't know," I admitted, "I do not know why I am reacting this way, I have no right."

"Is this about Aliya?" She tried to read my expressions but I quickly averted my eyes and looked into the distance.

"Everything I do these days is always about her, every decision that I make, every plan that I come up with, she is always in the back of my mind. I assure myself I am just trying to make amends and be worthy enough of her forgiveness. I couldn't possibly live with myself knowing she hates me."

It was tough for me to even think about this, let alone talk to Emma about it. But if there was anyone in this world who I could have this conversation with, it was her. Because I knew there would be no judgement from her side. To her, I wasn't the vampire king who had to carry the world on his shoulders, I was just her older brother who she loved unconditionally.

I knew I didn't always treat her the very best, but she still tried to understand me. 

Or perhaps she did not have much expectations from me; she grew up seeing my cold behavior and learned to accept it.

"Are you really just trying to make amends, or is there something more to it?"

What else could it be? I was too afraid to even answer that question.

"You know the answer to that question, brother. Why is it that she has such a control over your emotions that you get so carried away? The first step to answering this question is to accept it, accept what you are feeling and stop running away from it."

"I don't run away," I frowned at her, knowing it couldn't be true.

"Then why are you hiding in your study room while the rest of us are in the ballroom?"

I hated to admit but she did have a point.

"Okay," I sighed, "I accept that she has this strange effect on me that drives me insane at times. I saw that good for nothing king getting closer to her and I lost it, all I felt was rage burning inside me and to prevent myself from breaking his arm off I had to excuse myself from the room."