Repeating Apologies (A Johnnie Guilbert Fic)

In Between

"Don't let your mindset become what controls you. Speak right now and make the choice to grow."

We got home pretty late from New Jersey. Luckily my parents were sympathetic and let me miss school today. I was exhausted. Hayley on the other hand wanted to go to school, to of course brag about her weekend and her new found friendship with Johnnie, Bryan, and Kyle. I was home alone. Good. I needed some time to myself. I didn't text Johnnie after I got home, we agreed that he'll let me know when he landed from his flight. I haven't even texted Riley. I just wanted time to myself to think about what happened this weekend. I really don't know what to think anymore. I'm not going to lie, a part of me wanted to kiss Johnnie back when we were saying our goodbyes. And I hate it. I hate it because I'm with Riley and I have everything planned out already. My future is pretty much set in stone. This morning I gave Dalton my application and portfolio so he can put it in the mail for me. All that was left was to play the waiting game and see if I got accepted. If I get accepted, I'll be in New York with my friends and my boyfriend. But now that I'm thinking about it...is this what I really want? After seeing Johnnie, talking things out, knowing that he still likes me, do I still want to go to Pratt? Ugh! What do I do?! I need a sign! God, if you are above, give me some sort of sign!

My doorbell rings. Great. There goes my alone time. I go downstairs, not caring how I look like (most likely looking dead) and open the door.

"Hey Skye."

"Riley. What are you doing here?" I ask surprised. "Thought you'd be in school."

"I was. But...I just had to see you. Talk." He says serious.

Without saying anything, I let him in and lead him to the living room. We sit on the couch in silence for a while. The silence is tense.

"So how was your weekend." He finally asks.

"Great. Yours?"

"Fine." He says. "So tell me...what do you really think about Johnnie."

His question catches me by surprise. I'm still trying to figure that out for myself honestly. "He's just a friend." I manage to say.

"Just a friend?"

I nod. "Nothing happened. We just talked."

"Tell me." He says.

"About?"

"Everything. I want to know what exactly happened between the two of you that you had to work this friendship out. Adri told me that you two haven't talked for more than a year."

Of course she did.

"Did you tell her I went to New Jersey?" I ask. I think Adri's reaction to this is scarier than Riley's

He shakes his head. Thank God.

"When I asked her how long have you two been talking, she said you just started talking when he came over. I didn't know that, thought you two were still friends or whatever. So tell me...everything."

I take a deep breath. Be honest. Just what Johnnie said to be. "The Skye you know now...she wasn't like this back then. She was sad, misunderstood...suicidal. When I moved to San Jose, I thought that was it for me. I was miles away from my only friend, I was already going through so much in my life, I didn't know how long I was going to last...until I met Johnnie. He helped me find my way on my first day and we clicked. Ever since then, things were getting better. I opened up to him about everything, he understood, helped me see that things get better. I met Blake, Seth, and Nathan and things were going great. We started going out and at that moment I thought that nothing could ruin what I had." I pause. "That is until I came to Baltimore with Johnnie and he found out that most of my sad life was just a cover up to hide my past. I was a liar and a cheater and it took losing the greatest person I had in my life to realize that lying just fucks up everything. He ended up telling my secrets to some bitch...his ex and I lost all trust in him. I hated him for that. Then we moved back to Baltimore and I thought that I was never going to see him ever again. Back then I thought that was a good thing."