𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧

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It was nearly four o'clock in the morning when Will's world came crashing down

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It was nearly four o'clock in the morning when Will's world came crashing down.

The 'A midsummer night's dream' had concluded and after the event outside of Henley hall the five remaining students and Mr. Keating returned to Welton to retire for the night. Will's dress is now folded up in her dresser and has been replaced with a white tank top and black sweatpants, the pants being stolen from Neil's bottom drawer. The winter air pours through the small crack in the window, basking the room in a cold temperature.

"Will? Will." Charlie said, shaking his friend awake. The rest of their group stands behind him, each of them having tear stained cheeks and crestfallen expressions. Will jumps awake, but relaxes when she sees who it is.

"Oh, Charlie." She sighed, laying back down and closing her eyes. Before her peaceful sleep can continue her arm is shook once more. She attempts to shrug it off, but Charlie continues to shake her. Her eyes slowly open and she glances around in confusion. She then notices Charlie's face and the missing Perry boy. "What is it? Where's Neil?" She asked, earning a choked sob from Todd that sits on his bed with his head in his hands. None of the boys that stand there dare to meet her eyes as she looks at them worriedly. The anticipation gnaws at her, unaware of what could have caused all of her friends to gather in the dorm room.

Charlie hesitates before answering the girl's question.

"Neil's dead."

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Will walks across the quad of the Welton Academy's property, her bare feet hitting the ground and the falling snow landing on her uncovered arms. Her face is void of all emotion as she looks at the winter that surrounds her. Her hair hangs loosely at her shoulders, the curls wild from their unmaintained state. Though Will doesn't seem to care. The remaining members of the Dead Poets Society stand behind her, awaiting her reaction to the news of Neil's death.

"It's beautiful." Will commented, repeating Neil's last words to her as she slowly spins around. As she says those words she can practically hear the boy's voice speaking the same. She can see the smile on his face as she told him her name.

She can see him.

Bile then rises in her throat as the news sinks in. Will begins to dry heave, desperately trying to rid herself of the pain she feels. A sob breaks through her lips as she falls to the ground, everyone immediately jumping into action at the sight. Her pounding heart echoes through her mind like the metal ball in a pinball machine. Her normally perfect sight becomes blurry from tears clouding her vision. Her breathing becomes uneven and ragged, each attempted breath being stopped by the bile rising once again. Tears drip down her face, the water mixing with the melting snow and sweat that coats her face. She can't breathe. She can't calm down.

"Will. It's okay, Will." Charlie said, kneeling down beside her and shoving a handful of snow into her mouth in an attempt to calm her down from her full fledged panic attack.

"Calm down." Pitts ordered as Knox wraps his arms around Will's hunched over form. Will's purple turning hands begin to shake, unable to grasp the idea of Neil's departure and unable to stop herself from sobbing.

"It's all right, Will." Charlie told the girl, paying no mind to the snow soaking through his pants and focusing only on Will. He grabs her freezing hands in his own and tries to stop them from shaking, but to no avail.

"Will, it's okay. It's okay, Will." Pitts repeated. Todd stands a few feet away, watching the scene unfold with tears and guilt at his inability to aid in calming their friend down.

"It's all right. Now, listen." Charlie whispered.

"He wouldn't-- He wouldn't have done it. He couldn't have done it." Will stuttered out, managing to speak through her gasping breaths. Neil's face never leaves her mind, his smile, his eyes, his hands wrapping around her when he hugs her. The kiss they shared last night is still fresh on her mind, but even the thought of it makes another round of sobs erupt from Will's shaking body.

"You can't explain it, Will." Meeks said helplessly.

"It was his father!" Will decided, needing there to be any other cause for his death then the way it happened. "Neil wouldn't have done that, it was his dad." She promised, gutturally, the voice emerging from her mouth a mix of despair and anger.

"No!" Charlie disagrees with a shake of his head.

"He wouldn't have left us. If he knew-- He wouldn't have. His dad was-- his, his father did it." Will stated, her tone almost pleading.

"Will."

"His father killed him." Will asserted, adamant on her view of the death. "Neil wouldn't have left us, he wouldn't have left me." The bitter zephyr that fills her lungs has an unwanted arrival and Will wants nothing more than to stop it all together. This doesn't feel like sadness, it doesn't even feel like grief. It feels like anguish. "Please say he didn't leave me." Will begged, looking up at her friends with a pleading, teary eyed gaze. They can only look back at her in silence, no words able to stop the suffering that they all feel.

"You can't explain it, Will." Meeks professed. Hearing this, Will slowly drags herself to her feet, ignoring everyone attempting to comfort her, and begins to run, stumbling over the snow while she does so. Her bare feet slam against the ground, the ice melting beneath the heat of her skin. She can see her heavy breaths appear in front of her, reminding her of each and every cigarette she has ever smoked.

"Will!" Todd shouted, going to chase after her.

Charlie stops the Anderson boy from following their mourning friend and looks to him. "Leave her be."

Will races towards the lake, each step she takes feeling like her legs will give out. Memories flash through her mind. Rehearsing Neil's lines and falling into the icy body of water. The late night walks they would take, not caring how many demerits they would receive if they were caught. The brief time spent on the roof, looking over the world beneath them and finding a new perspective.

Will then gives an ear-piercing scream.

"Neil!"

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