Lilly-Anne's Roses

Chapter 1 - Shock

I could hear her talking, but I wasn't listening anymore. Her warmth enveloped me like a blanket and yet my heart felt cold and heavy. I couldn't feel my body anymore, it was as if I was watching from above as my brain tried to process what was happening. Five years of growth gone in a matter of seconds. I was back to the fifteen-year-old who just had her world shattered.

 I tried to let her go, but my limbs were cemented to her. I was stuck in the moment and paralysed with the fear that if I were to move, I would realize that none of this was happening outside of my mind.

She grabbed my hands that were wrapped around her neck and placed them on her face, keeping her own on top. She made me look up as she smiled softly. My eyes met hers, but I saw nothing. I stumbled back, blinking away tears, "this isn't happening," I whispered.

I looked up again, wiping my face with the back of my hands, "this isn't happening". She tried reaching for me, but I flinched away, so she walked towards the rose bush, brushing her fingertips against the petals, "you did a wonderful job Lilly-Anne". 

My head shook from side to side as I took another step back. I closed my eyes and started to focus on my breathing. In. Out. Pause. Repeat. I pictured that my garden would be empty when I opened my eyes back to the night, but there in front of me stood the one person that I had convinced myself was gone forever. 

She looked the same as I remembered. Tall with soft curves, the large cardigan I was wearing also on her, hugging her forms. Her hair was held up by a brown clip with a few curls framing her freckled face. Her glasses hung around her neck, and you could just see the edge of the scar that outlined her left breast, where she had had surgery. 

She was beautiful.

She gestured for me to come closer, but I kept on walking away. Every step she took towards me prompted me to take one back, away from her. As if distancing myself would help my brain notice that nothing was there. 

I felt numb. I had to keep on wiggling my fingers and curling in my toes to remind myself that I was still awake, that I was still alive. "Why are you here? Are you here?" She fiddled with her bracelet, the way she always used to when she was thinking. "I cannot tell you the reason why I am here because I don't know myself, but I am here." 

She had a hopeful yet saddened expression when saying this, "Are you not happy that I am here?" I chuckled, almost to reassure myself that I had heard her, "But you aren't here, this must be a dream, I refuse to believe that you are here". 

She looked hurt, which made my heart ache, but I couldn't allow myself to believe that the woman I buried was standing in front of me tonight.

The back of my knees hit the hard, cold surface of the stone bench that faced the garden. I let myself fall into it. I wanted to become invisible. I placed my hands to either side of me, grounding myself and stared at the roses. 

I watched as the moonlight danced on the glowing blue petals. I watched as the wind ruffled the leaves around the base. I am unsure when she decided to join me, but I suddenly felt her hand cradling mine. 

She didn't say anything, and neither did I. We just sat there, existing together, watching the roses breathing in the night. We sat there for some time before I heard her say, "I have to go now". I did not react, simply continued to stare forward as she stood and kissed the top of my head, "See you soon my sweet child". 

Then she was gone again, and I sat there alone on the cold surface, crying grief-stained tears. 

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What do you think will happen next? Is Lilly-Anne dreaming, or is her mother actually there? Why do you think this is? 

Vote, comment and follow - I would love to hear your thoughts

Tune in for the next chapter:

DENIAL

xx