Long Live the King

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Washington: Look, as long as I'm leader of this team, I will do everything in my power to ensure your safety whether you like it or not.

Tucker: We don't need you protecting us!

Washington: I know, that's why I'm trying to help you!

Will: Help us with what?! Defending against attack?! No one is going to attack us!

South runs over to Blue Base.

South: You might want to move because Sarge is about to-

Sarge: ATTACK!

Cut to Sarge Alex and Grif in the Warthog driving toward them. Cut to black

Tucker: You have literally the worst timing.

Sarge: Stow it, thin mint. We're no longer fraternizing with the enemy.

Tucker: "Thin mint"?

Grif: Now see, when he says "we", imagine he's only referring to himself. Do not group us together.

Alex: Same.

Tucker: Bitch, my armor's aqua! I think.

Washington: What the hell are you three doing?

Grif: Uh, again, not "three ," just him. I can't stress this enough.

Alex: He's crazy and made us do it.

Sarge: You made me believe that Reds and Blues can coexist, and we can work together as one people, and that we can all get together and be...a little...purple.

Will: I'm not having sex with any of you... well except Ava.

Washington: We can work together! We are! Seriously, what the fuck is this about?

Sarge: You kidnapped one of my men!

Simmons: Who? Me?

Will: He wasn't kidnapped, dipshit, he came over here by himself! We can't get him to leave.

Sarge: Is this true, Simmons?

Simmons: It's not your fault, sir. It's Grif's.

Grif: What did I do?

Simmons: You're fucking disgusting, Grif!

Alex: You are disgusting.

Grif: Well, yeah. But I've always been like that. Sarge was the one that decided to take half the base for himself.

Simmons: Oh. Then I guess it is your fault, sir.

Sarge: Then that makes you a traitor!

Simmons: What?

Freckles: Threat level increased.

Caboose: Uh, yeah, no reason for panic. Everything's fine. Might anyone have a rolled up newspaper at the ready?

Sarge: You weren't kidnapped! You deliberately joined the enemy!

Tucker: But if he wasn't kidnapped, that would mean we were never the enemy in the first place!

Sarge: Don't try to confuse me with your words, shamrock!

Tucker: I'm aqua!

Washington: Tucker, calm down.

Tucker: Me? These guys roll up in a fucking assault jeep and you choose to yell at me?

Will: You should be yelling at them not him or me!

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