I Thought I Knew You

Hope

"Her soul isn't alright though, is it?" King places a knowing hand on my shoulder, hiding away his own emotions in a knowledgeable glance. He raises a brow, the tone of his voice betraying all he knows as I release a gentle sigh.

"I'm afraid not..."

A silence settles between us. A thin and gentle silence that is filled with understanding and shared guilt. We both believe that this is our fault, that we have a part to play in what has happened to Elaine. King believes he is responsible as he has his reasons that are tied to his hidden past, just as I believe that I am guilty because of some things that I have done. 

I know that I am guilty because I am the cause of the Commandments being here in the first place. I'm the cause of all of this.

But King still carries the blame of this on his shoulders, the reasons for why unknown to me as he has never shared much of his past with me. It was never really something we discussed and now would not be an appropriate time to ask.

But the least I could do was try to lessen to weight that King bore. I could at least let him know that not all of this was his fault, that this happened because of a number of things.

However when I think of that, I think back to what I've done. I think about the weight that rests of my own shoulders and I can't help but feel the guilt bubbling back up once more. It twists and turns up the column of my throat, choking my words as it spreads through my veins and arteries in a journey so fast that even my willpower cannot stop it. Nothing can.

"I-I wish I could help more," The words leave shakily, defeated. I can feel the tears brimming even though I don't want them to, my mind screaming that King and Ban should be crying and not me. It was my fault. I caused this. People like me shouldn't be crying. 

"If I knew how to heal something like this, I would. I truly would," I sniff. "But I don't know how to. I don't know how to do anything right now..."

Silent tears slip down my cheeks, my eyes once again glancing at the floor as I hide behind my curtain of starlight hair. My long, silver hair that has hidden me many times before when I felt guilty or ashamed.

It was always the veil I hid behind, my subconscious always too ashamed to even display my expressions when I was guilty and caught. When I was at my most vulnerable and childish.

I reach up and scrub away the warm tears that track my face, resenting their salty taste as some land on my lips. Why do I always have to cry? Why do I always have to do the one thing that makes me look like a victim when I'm anything but?

Why do I always care so much?

"You've done enough, Elizabeth," King breaks through my sniffles, his expression softened as he passes me a tissue. I'm not sure where he's gotten it from but I'm thankful that he has.

"Thank you," I smile a little, glad that he does not hate me. That none of the Sins hate me for what I have done. 

I do deserve hate though, I deserve to be hated for what I have done. I'm not better than the demons that everyone despises so much, but even so everyone is always supporting me. They are always by my side to cheer me up when I'm feeling down. They're always there to catch my tears when they fall.

King then pulls out a flask and two little cups. The lid of the flask comes off with a little squeaky pop, the rubber lining of the circular lid lined with drops of condensation. A little steam curls from the cylindrical flask, the rich aroma of what I assume to be hot chocolate leaking into the small hallway of Elaine's dorm. 

The sound of liquid pouring then fills the empty air, King filling both little cups before passing me one.

I take it gratefully, enjoying the small jolts of comfort that the warmth of the drink gives me. It feels like a hug from a person I haven't seen in forever, warm and filled with longing and happiness. It's comforting, engulfing, and swallows the guilt that had begun to consume my mind and soul.