BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Pre-debut Years

Chapter 3- The Argument

Authors Note at the end :)

March 14th, 2012:

I was on the bus on my way to Big Hit HQ doing math homework and nibbling on a granola bar after a gruelling day at school. I wasn't supposed to be eating right now. We were weighed every week and if I gained weight, I would be scolded and ridiculed even more than I already am. I've been trying to diet healthily to lose weight, but the speed they want me to lose weight at just can't be done without depriving myself of food, which as a self-proclaimed foodie, was very hard.

For two weeks, I had been off my expected weight by 2 pounds. 2 pounds! Yet, I was still yelled at, called fat, and told I needed to start taking this seriously or else I would never debut. I hadn't eaten anything since the day before yesterday, and I was feeling the effects, which was why I thought this tiny granola bar would help. I couldn't focus in class and it was harder for me to understand and perform dances. I, of course, wasn't telling this to any of my friends or family back home. As far as they were concerned, I was doing great and had tons of friends. I didn't want them worrying about me.

This sudden weight loss and diet also led me to not doing all that well in school. If I sucked at school back in Canada, I was abhorrent at school in Korea. Every course was in Korean, which I obviously spoke, but I had learned topics either in English or French back in Québec and it was hard for me to translate everything I had already learned into Korean, especially the specific, niche words. Furthermore, the Korean system focused a lot on memorisation, and I am terrible at memorising.

So, it's safe to say that most teachers either felt pity for my lack of understanding or were angry at my slow progress. And as much as I tried to finish my homework on time and do all the extra work they gave me to help me catch up or understand better, I usually ended up putting it to the side in order to practice more. I mean, will trigonometry really be that important to know if I become a K-Pop idol?

We had had our first dancing and singing lessons 3 weeks ago and while I was probably one of the better singers among the 14 new girl trainees, I was definitely the worst dancer among them. I could feel the laughter in the girls' eyes when the teacher kept focusing on me. I knew the teacher was singling me out. Other girls would mess up, but she would always start yelling at me. Maybe I was being a bit sensitive, but I didn't like constantly being in the spotlight. Since that lesson, I've been staying in the studio until roughly 2am practicing easy dance routines I found on Youtube with 97' Eunbi. I thought I was progressing pretty well, but the other girls were also practicing really hard into the night and I thought closing that talent gap would be almost impossible for me.

We had been given our groups and songs to perform for this month's assessment a week ago. 97' Eunbi wasn't in my group, but younger Eunbi was, which I was thankful for. However, Youngmi was also in my group and after she saw me dance, she started being meaner to me. After our initial classes, Youngmi sized everyone up and created a group of the girls she thought were the most talented and would make up the future group, including Soojin, the girl that had been mad at me for being older.

I was not a part of that group, but she had asked 97' Eunbi to hang out with her a few times. Eunbi had turned her down each time in order to hang out with younger Eunbi and me, but I couldn't help but feel bad for her. Maybe she should have gone with them, it might have given her more of an advantage to debut. After all, they were the best and could have taught her a few new things to make her stand out. Instead, 97' Eunbi stayed with our trio and became a huge factor in why I was progressing so fast. In fact, both the Eunbi's helped me a lot. They even helped me with my homework so I wouldn't have to submit blank sheets of paper.