DEFIANT • kylo ren (18+)

09 - I'd like to look.

There's no response.

Is he out? Ignoring you? Sleeping?

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

You bring your hand up to the data-pad and hover over it. You still don't know the code. You can't open the door to his bedroom, yet you've fucked on the floor of a training room. This is so screwed up.

You rub your eyes, your thoughts messing with your judgement ability.

Ok, you know what. Fuck. You're gonna regret this, but you do it anyway. Things aren't as simple as they were before. The rules are probably different now.

You slip through the door to the study, moving past the couch and turning into the hidden passage. The narrow walls feel almost as claustrophobic as you do in Kylo's presence.

You have no idea what thought process led you to here, this is basically suicide. But you continue anyway. You need to see him. Even just to yell. You think that's what you need. To blame him. To scream.

You know that he'll know you're there. There's no use beating around the bush. Yet, you find yourself hovering by the corner of the room - hand on the wall like it might save you.

Kylo's awake. You run your eyes over him, he's facing the opposite wall, standing tall at a brand new table. He's always working. His broad shoulders are hunched in tension, and you watch timidly as he closes the projection and stares at the wall.

You're actually in his room now, and suddenly you wish you weren't.

You clear your throat, mustering any courage that still exists in your wrecked person, and clearing up your mind. You block it off in case he tries to read you.

"What happened cannot happen again." You say, trying to keep your voice steady. "I just needed you to know that."

Kylo doesn't turn to face you, but you can sense from here that he's angry.

"Get out." His solid, booming voice speaks his command, and you find yourself stepping back slightly at how bored of you he sounds.

You're a bug on his shoulder that he's itching to flick away.

You suddenly realise you've done the exact thing that could make him want to hurt you again. And this makes you angrier than ever.

For some reason you thought that after you'd had sex, it wouldn't be that big of a deal to come into these rooms. That he wouldn't care. Panic strikes, gripping your limbs into frozen fear. Of course he cares, last time you came here he smashed your face into a broken glass table. The cuts were still healing, pink lines across your face.

"I need you to say you understand... I don't want that to happen again." You're almost shocked at your boldness, but glad it seems to be back again.

"Stupid little girl." His voice echoes across the room, drumming into you. He hasn't even bothered to turn around yet, still working. "If you dare to give me an order once more, you won't survive the next time I fuck you."

You gulp, your lungs not obeying your frantic breathing.

Kylo's large physique is insane, you drink it in as he turns to face you, those broad shoulders begging to be touched. But as quickly as your eyes flick to his face - you look away again. His stare is too much.

His jaw is clenched and he's clearly holding himself back, leaning against the table behind him. A beat passes and you think you can handle whatever is about to happen.

You didn't expect the sound of his boots on the floor as he approaches to send a jolt through you with each step. You stumble back a little more, trying to gain distance between your bodies.