The Pearl of Great Price Part II

Chapter 4: Frustrations

Except Charles's middle-of-life disaster did not go away. He wouldn't call it a crisis because that would denote him being unhappy with his life. He's not dissatisfied with his life. He's just unhappy with himself. There's a big difference between the two. 

He remembers Henry going through something like this before. Except his best friend had been aggrieved with his life and set out to change it. Which the King did. He uprooted all the things that brought him great dissatisfaction, including his wife. Again huge difference because Charles is not unhappy with his wife. No. He loves her deeply. He's just discontented with himself.

So while his wife began lessons befitting a future Queen of England, he began to work on changing himself. The first step is to grow a beard and mustache. He didn't shave for days, and as a result, there is a hint of both on his face. 

His family has provided him with mixed reactions regarding its state. The boys could care less and continue trying to coax him into taking them fishing. "We fish, Daddy," William begs. Then his brother does the same. Owen tells him, "Daddy, Will, and me go fish." The two love to fish so much that he thinks they'll build castles on a lake one day.

But it's the women in his life who find his severely stubbled face peculiar. When his baby girl saw it, she patted her hands on it. Then she took them off and pulled her body back, away from him. "Dada, no!" is what she yelled. It's obvious Gillian does not like it. Neither does Liz. She eyes him with strange looks but never says anything.

It's his wife, however, who sees through his disguise. She always has. After a beautiful round of love-making, they lay in bed snuggled close together. Her left hand lovingly stroked his face with her own angled towards him. Gazing into his blue eyes, she spoke. Her voice is full of a question. "The growth, in this state, only makes you seem depressed. People may think it of you. You're not, are you? In some form of internal anguish, I mean."

What does he say to that? There are two choices, tell the truth or not. The last time he kept something buried inside him, it clawed its way out in drinking and ignoring her. "I wouldn't say I'm anguished as much as I am displeased."

This made her sit up. She grabbed his white tunic and put it on. Then crawled over to sit on his legs. Once situated, where she can see his eyes, she inquired about his choice of words. "What are you displeased with?" It's hard to not think it's her or the children.

Knowing she thinks it's her he's dissatisfied with, he cut that off quickly. "It's not you, the children, our home, any of that. It's me. I'm unhappy with myself." His eyes didn't quite meet hers.

Taking his right hand into hers, she wants to know, "Why?" Why does he feel unhappy with himself? Her heart feels sad, thinking he's discontent. But then she thought the Pilgrimage of Grace is echoing in his mind. "My Love, you're not letting old wounds reopen, are you? I know you infrequently struggle with the Northern rebellion, but I thought it had gotten better. I thought you had gotten better at not letting it cripple you. At least that's what you told me several months ago."

He sat up and brought her with him along with the covers. It left his chest bare. "I didn't lie. What I said is true. Thanks to Doctor Pearce's friendship and help, I am much more equipped to deal with that. No. This is something else. If I tell you, you must promise to not laugh or make fun."

That annoyed her. Her shoulders tensed and a slight scowl formed on her lips. "Charles Brandon, why would I laugh or make light of something that bothers you? Why that would be a terrible thing for me to do. I love you too much to poke fun. I am not my late aunt. I won't hold it over your head either or tell it to my friends. It stays between us--- husband and wife."