Sarina Maxine

Tyler (Chapter 41)

"Yeah, I'll see you around Tyler. We should have a meeting coming up soon about this", Ron said.

I didn't say anything as he left.

Sergeant Vincent wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"Don't let him get to you. He's always been a jerk since high school", he said.

"I know he's a jerk but he can't lay off for just this once."

"That's why he's in a different city and different department. We can't change him but we can try to keep him far away. You know I can always hack my way into the computer to rank him down."

"No Nav, that's his thing."

He let out a chuckle.

"Don't worry about him, Javier is a fighter", he said.

"This was his first time doing this. He shouldn't have been left alone or however, he got into that situation."

"Javier is strong minded. If he sees an opportunity he goes for it. He doesn't want any excuses to not do his job and so if it means risking his life, he's going to do it. That's what I worry about. He's the ideal soldier but he needs to remember not to let that go to his head. He has a family and loved ones who want him to return home."

"He's a lot like me then. I got worse; I don't think about what will happen to me I just do whatever it takes."

"Maybe you just have to think about who you don't want to hurt", he said.

"I have no one else, my family is gone."

"Are you sure that's all your family?"

I looked up at him. He then removed his arm and turned to go back to what he was doing.

"Hey...Tyler..."

It was Josh came running over, stopping to catch his breath.

"Look man...I'm sorry...this was all my fault...Javi was with me and then Quinn was getting away and—"

"You know this isn't your fault. I was in charge of everything."

"How the hell were you supposed to keep eyes on him from way over there? He was my responsibility. Clearly I was supposed to make sure he was safe but I failed that and I'm trying to tell you I failed my main task. Get it out of your head that you have to be responsible for everyone here! Yeah, you're in charge but you don't have eyes everywhere. That's why you have leads for every group but I was the one who didn't do my job. Because of that, the kid could be—"

I quickly looked at him, daring him not to say that word with my eyes. He couldn't bring himself to say it anyway.

"I'm just...I'm going to the hospital to see him, you should too."

"I have work here to finish up, other officers got hurt too. There is no way for me to check up on everyone."

"He's not just anyone. He's important to Sarina and I know she's important to you too. I don't know what your relationship is with him beyond work but, I feel like we owe him to be by his side and see if we can do anything for him."

"Like I said, I have work here to do."

"So it's like that then, huh?"

"I need to stop letting personal things get in the way of what I've been after!"

Josh was not expecting me to raise my voice.

"I became an officer to find my brother! I worked my way up to become a detective so I could achieve that goal faser and have access to resources I need to find him. He's right here damn it! He's so close and I can't even get to him! I didn't plan on meeting new people and getting close to her! I'm not good enough for anyone let alone her so what's the point..."

I turned to walk away.

Josh caught my shoulder. He knew this conversation went another direction, it was about something that was bothering me. That kiss. No matter what I did I couldn't shake it off.

"What are you talking about, what the hell happened between you two?"

"Nothing."

"I get what you're saying but it's a big mistake to push her away. You need her. Especially now more than ever before. I've seen the more you dive into this case the more messed up you come out of it. I don't even know what to do for you anymore but she has this...I don't know...specially connection with you that I don't have. One that...that can save you from doing something stupid...I just can't...I can't see you hurt yourself like last time."

"I won't—"

"No one in their right mind does. Depression, trauma, all that stuff...it's a disease man and when it eats you up...it makes you do some scary stuff. So far you've been stable but now...I worry about you a lot and knowing Andy is out there...I'm scared for you..."

I slowly turned to look at him to see the worry in his eyes.

So much has been happening lately, I know I shouldn't keep it in like this.

I need to see my therapist again.

I'm going to.