Shining Stars

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"Hazel..." She whispers. I nod, this seems to be a common reaction among my family and friends. Its almost as if they don't know what else to say. My mum hugs me, a suffocating hug, but my Das just doesn't move

"You can't be...." She says, gripping into my shoulders.

"It is mum, its me." She wipes a year from her face and turns to Kaitlyn. "I'm so sorry I shouted at you." She apologises. Kaitlyn adamantly shakes her head, "You had every right to be angry Mrs Lancaster."

My Dad slowly rises up to hug my mum and I, our first family hug in decades. We all sir down afterwards and I tell them all about my life as Beirget and how I came to be here with them now. I tell them how much I missed them and how some days it felt as if I was still dead.

"Do you remember what it felt like to be dead?" My dad asks.

"No, I remember dying and being born again, just not what came inbetween." I explain to him.

They kept asking about me and my new life, but I want to know all about what's happened since I died.

"Mum, hows the rest of the family? All my cousins?"

My mum leaves the room and suddenly im confused, but she returns with a smile on her face and a book in her hands. "I thought it'd be easier to show you."

She sits beside me and opens the book, its a photo album. She opens it and I can see its full of graduation pictures, baby snaps and holiday postcards. She gives me a brief explanation on each picture, a little shaky ar times.

I'm filled with such strong sorrow at all that I've missed, cancer can be so cruel. Eventually we came across a page that had two photographs. One is a picture of me having my last ever thanksgiving dinner before I died, and the other of a little girl in school uniform.

She has long blonde hair that's been tied into two braids. She has hazel eyes just like mine and she's smiling a broad smile. I know that she's Avril right away. My mother points something out that I never saw the first time around.

"She wrote that." Around the pictures Avril has drawn a love heart and wrote above it, "sisters forever". My eyes start to water, to think that a six year old could be treated so badly by Connor is horrific. To think that she had to grow up so quickly and contemplate ending her life is tragic.

To know that she did end her life is heartbreaking and maddening. My little sister has been stolen from me twice. "That's Avril...." I whisper hoarsely. She is beautiful, a little angel. You can't tell from looking at this photograph how upset she is on the inside. I've been lucky. I was able to choose who I gave my virginity to, and who I had sexual contact with.

Just Augustus, just the man I love. But Avril was too young to even know such things and she must've been terrified and in so much pain.

In the few moments that I've been daydreaming Kaitlyn had explained that I know about Avril's death.

"The babysitter... He attended anorexia support group." Suddenly the conversation has become depressing, nobody's quite sure what to say. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it, but I don't think I couldve kept it in. After all they've been through my parents deserve to know.

After all my mum might not remember it for much longer. I decide not to being that up, it might just make this situation worse.

"Anyway, lets not dwell on that. Can you tell me all about her?"

Mum and Dad tell me all about little Avril. She liked to watch cartoon and braid peoples hair, her first word was "ted", who was one of her many teddy bears. Her favourite colour was green and she was born on May the 19th. She died on September the 3rd.

"Would you like to see her bedroom?" My Dad asks me. I say yes, maybe once I see her room I can get a better understanding of who my little sister really was. I lead the way up the stairs to the room that when I was last here, was being prepared to become Avril's room.

I stand outside the door for a moment, looking at the picture stuck there. Again there's two photographs. One of me abs out parents and one of Avril with our parents.

I smile and my mum says, "She loved you, she always said she wanted to meet you. We used to take her to see you.... She's buried there too."

I find it unreal that my body is currently decomposing under the ground, yet I'm still here. A shiver runs down my spine and the hairs on my arms all stand up on end. I find a little comfort in knowing that she's beside me. In a way we've always been together, I almost wish she had been reincarnated into my new family so I could for her. Sadly the world doesn't work like that.

The world is not a wish granting factory.

I opened Avril's bedroom door and I looked around the square, boxed shaped room. The room was painted a rosy pink, the walls a crispy texture. Light shone in through the window, allowing a cool breeze to enter. There's a bed pressed against the wall, the covers white with pink flowers. A little brown teddy bear sits on the bed, making it clear that this room belongs to a child.

Avril's wardrobe is painted a perfect white, like the clouds on a summers day. I slowly open the wardrobe, I didn't expect anything to be there, but there was. All her clothes were hanging down, dresses and pretty tops.

"We can't bear to throw them out, they still smell of her."

I lean close to the garments and sniff, hoping to catch her scent. I can faintly smell lemons and shampoo, just ever so faintly. It's a pleasant smell, not too harsh on the nose. So that's what she smelt like.

I stand back and look around the room one more time, taking it all in. This was what I missed, and it devastates me that I did. I sigh our and try to speak but my voice catches. It's then that I realize im crying.

My parents rush to my aide and envelope me in a hug. For a moment it feels like before, before I died. And suddenly im filled with a feeling of hatred for the world. I understand that sometimes urs only natural to be mad, but I'm so angry that I might as well be on fire.

"I'm okay.... I'm okay." I manage to stutter out. I wipe away the tears from my eyes, glad I hadn't applied any eye makeup that morning. After a moment or two spent composing myself my mum asks, "Do you want to see your room?"

I nod my head and I take the lead to my old bedroom. For a moment I'm worried that all of my things will be gone, that even after all I've seen, that my parents would've tried to forget me.

I push the door open and I'm relieved to catch sight of my familiar blue walls. As I step inside I look around to see that my room is exactly as I left it. My bookshelf next to my bed, a copy of imperial affliction sitting on my chest of drawers, even my laptop is still on my bed.

Nothings been touched, and in a way irs like a shrine to my life. My parents were never going to forget me, and I was silly to think that they would even try to.

I walk over to the bed and sit down, I'm like a ghost. My family can see and hear me, but they can't have their daughter back not really. I may be Hazel on the inside, but for the past 19 years I've been forced to play Beirget.

I have a new life now, and while I can try my best to juggle two lives, I can't keep both parties happy.

My parents sit beside me, one eat either side of me and Kaitlyn is behind us, leaning on the door frame and she silently watches the scene unfold infront of her.

"I went to see Isaac." I tell then, I then explain about what happened, how when I touched him his sight was restored. I couldn't decide what to think of their expressions, shock? Amazement? Fear?

"Has anything else unusual happened since you came home?" My Dad asked. I told him, about when I touched Kaitlyn,how wrong it felt.

"What if I'm not meant to be here? What if I upset the balance?" A look of annoyance passed over my mothers face, as if I had said something to offend her.

"Come on we're going out." My num informed us as she stood up. Puzzled I asked the only question I could, "Where are we going?" The reply I received was unexpected and frightening, "To see your sister."