Love Again ✔

16. Two Secrets

"P-please don't l-l-leave me." I sob into his neck, squeezing the life out of him but he doesn't seem to mind. Maddox never minds, always so considerate, so patient. So perfect.

He rubs one hand up and down my back soothingly, the other busy massaging my scalp. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm not t-talking ab-about right now." I shake my head, nuzzling my face into his neck further, because he doesn't understand what I'm talking about. He doesn't know what I feel.

"I'm never leaving you, Rose. I can't, baby." Maddox whispers into my ear and I want to believe him so so badly, but he doesn't know what I know.

"I had a n-nightmare." His arms tighten around me. "Y-you left. You left me."

"That's never going to happen. I promise you, Angel." He assures me with a voice full with emotions I don't have the mind to decipher and I continue sobbing because I'm so shaken, so terrified. "Trust me."

I can't lose him. Not him.

"Sleep, my Rose. I'll be here when you wake up." He promises and I finally calm down. Breathing in his familiar scent, I let my mind go silent and my heart steady its pounding before I drift back to sleep, knowing that Maddox is here to chase my nightmares away.

--------

I wake up before Maddox and as I watch him sleep in my bed with his face tucked into my neck and an arm around my waist, I remember my nightmare. And I finally realize it.

I have fallen in love with him.

And I hate myself for it, way, way more than I hated myself for loving Jaxon.

Once again, my stupid heart has decided to love a person I can never have. Because he's in love with another woman. And I have known that from the day I met him. Yet somehow I still ended up here, right where Jaxon has left me.

I never learn and I don't know what to do anymore. I thought I was getting better, recovering, healing. Whenever I feel happy and comfortable with Maddox I think it's because I'm finally letting go of my fears. When I no longer felt broken when I told him about Jaxon weeks ago, I thought it was because I've finally learnt to accept the past. I thought I understood why I've done what I have, but still learnt not to repeat my mistakes.

Turns out, I was only feeling better because I've fallen in love again, with a person whose heart belongs to another. With another person whom I knew from the start could never be mine.

But how could I not fall for him when he has literally fixed my broken heart, pulled it open and took his rightful place inside? He's everything I never noticed I needed and more. He gave my life a purpose and shoved my darkness away with his light. Maddox consumed my soul after he brought it back to life.

And now I have fallen in love with him. The one person on this planet whom I can't lose. Losing Maddox is something I would never survive. And that's why I've decided I'm never telling him about my feelings. This time at least I'll do things differently.

I hate keeping such a huge secret from Maddox and it has already started eating at me as I leave him a note and head to my class, but I can't take that risk. I can never.

He asked me once if he could keep the identity of the woman he loves a secret and I said yes. He has had one pass. And this now is mine. He has a secret he can't share and so do I.

I've also decided that I needed to put some distance between us. Not much because I might lose my mind if I don't see him every day —that's how dependent and attached to him I've become— but enough so I could get my stupid heart in check.