BEING YOURS

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

"Evening." She let him in and closed the door after that.

"Evening. How're you doing?"

"Good."

"Is Sis in?" He sought as he peeked into the living room and the kids jumped towards him shouting 'ice-cream uncle'.

Amira chuckled at them and went to get her sister. She then went to the kitchen and got him something to drink before going back.

Nabeelah came and they shared greetings and all.

"So?" Amira sought as her sister left. There had to be something right?

He glanced at her, smiled and sipped the coke. "I've been expecting you at the hospital."

"I needed some distance." She told him the simple truth.

He stared at her, then huffed. "He's awake."

A minute of quietude sailed between them and then she closed her mouth realising it's agape.

"He's awake?" She asked in a hushed tone.

"But he's still not stable. He's still in the ICU. He hasn't said a word yet, but seems he knows who he is. The assessments they've done so far are good but he has problems moving his left leg. The doctor said the fracture he had there was severe. It punctured his blood vessel and also affected his nerves but they said it's nothing to worry about since he had surgery and since he can move it to some extent, with the right treatment he'd be back to normal but it'd take time, maybe months."

Amira closed her eyes, mumbling the tahmeed and a lonely drop of tear raced down her cheek. At least now she had a whole lot less to worry about.

"You wanna go see him?"

"I'd..." She stopped abruptly, remembering how awkward it'd be like to be around him. He might get excited again and complicate his health giving that he's still not stable and moreover, she doubted if she's in the right frame of mind to meet with him.

"Mila?" He called seeing that she's getting lost in thought.

She faced him, then shook her head slowly. "Some other time I guess, maybe when he's out of the ICU."

"Why? Is it because of Ya Mansur?"

Yeah that's another reason. "I'm just not ready. And I doubt if he's ready as well. I'll meet with him with he's more stable, for now he should concentrate on getting better. And please, don't tell him I was there, and worse still, don't tell him I'm pregnant."

* * *

Numb. Exhausted. Angry.

Those were the three words that quite summed up everything he's been feeling ever since he regained consciousness.

But now his anger surpassed either of them cos... how dare they?

How dare they all keep him alive? How dare they get him a donor? And just to think that that donor was Umar himself... darn!

What were they thinking? What were they expecting? How do they want him to live? How do they want him to look them all in the eye? How do they expect him to look at himself? How will he get up to pray? After everything he's done, how would he begin to face his Lord in prayer? How would he make up for all the prayers and fasting he missed?

How would he... how would he live knowing fully well the type of life he'd lived before his accident?

Will he ever forgive himself? Will his Lord ever forgive him?

Does he even want to live?

No he doesn't! But they're forcing him to, to live a life... a normal life! Cos that's what they're expecting, that's why they scaled every fence to keep him alive. Now they are literally forcing him to face his sins, his mistakes.